


wake up the part of me that has fallen asleep

by nooelgallagher, yoursongonmyheart



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blowjobs, Bottom Liam, Bottom Zayn, Everything is safe and consensual, It was definitely a labor of love and a journey, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Soooooo this is yet another self-indulgent monster of a fic that we didn't plan on, There are a lot of sex scenes because we're us so yeah, Top Liam, Top Zayn, heads up, let's see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 23:24:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15130004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nooelgallagher/pseuds/nooelgallagher, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoursongonmyheart/pseuds/yoursongonmyheart
Summary: “The fact that you have never orgasmed during sex might be the most shocking thing I have ever heard,” Louis goes on, at least a little bit quieter this time but still louder than Liam would like.Liam shakes his head. “No, the most shocking thing you ever heard was that domestic house cats will eat their owners if they die in the home.”Louis ponders that for a split second, then tips the neck of his beer bottle towards Liam. “Fair point. But this comes in second.”...Or the one where Liam discloses something incredibly personal about his sex life and Louis hatches a plan to help him - which  may or may not include Zayn.





	wake up the part of me that has fallen asleep

**Author's Note:**

> The working title of this fic's doc was "we're trash." That should say it all.

“You _what_?!” Louis all but shouts in Liam’s face - Liam’s face that is literally bright red and Louis clearly has no care about it at all. He practically falls out of his chair trying to shush him as he stretches across the table.

“Keep your voice down!” Liam grabs onto whatever appendage he can find of Louis’ to make him shut the fuck up.

“Liam!” Louis is still shouting, Christ, and Liam is _mortified_. Louis brings his face closer to Liam’s in an attempt to be quieter. “You seriously, never, ever-”

Liam cuts him off, cheeks burning and eyes darting around the pub to make sure no one is paying them any mind. “No.”

Louis drops his jaw. “I mean, me and Harry...at least once a week by law. Three times a week if it’s a good week, like, that’s been the last three years. Liam. _Liam_ ! You’ve had girlfriends! Not even one girlfriend, _multiple_ girlfriends!” Louis is starting to get breathless with how much he is rambling.

“Liam, Liam, _Liam,_ ” he groans with a finality, fixing Liam with a stare that is equal parts pity and incredulity.

“I can’t believe I told you that,” Liam huffs, embarrassment swimming through him though irritation is quickly coming in second. He hears how defensive he feels when he adds on, “Jesus Christ, it isn’t _that_ big a deal.”

“The fact that you have never orgasmed during sex might be the most shocking thing I have ever heard,” Louis goes on, at least a little bit quieter this time but still louder than Liam would like.

Liam shakes his head. “No, the most shocking thing you ever heard was that domestic house cats will eat their owners if they die in the home.”

Louis ponders that for a split second, then tips the neck of his beer bottle towards Liam. “Fair point. But this comes in second.”

Liam takes a long, sweeping gulp of his beer, refusing to look Louis in the eyes as Louis watches him.

“All jokes aside,” Louis says, scooting closer in his chair to lean forward, “haven’t you, like, enjoyed it?”

“What, sex?”

Louis nods, wide-eyed.

Liam shrugs. “It was fine. And it’s not like I’ve never orgasmed _ever_. It’s fine by myself.”

Louis just gestures for him to continue, setting his bottle on top of the table and dragging it across the top, letting the condensation create little pools of liquid across the faded wood.

Liam sighs, unsure of how to explain it. “It just never really felt right. It felt good, but not good _enough_.”

Louis hums, looking thoughtful now.

“It probably wasn’t very good for the girls, to be honest,” Liam says, cheeks flaring again.

“How did they not know you never came?” Louis asks.

“Faked it,” Liam shrugs, only partially embarrassed at the admission. “And I always used condoms so it wasn’t like they could tell.”

“So you made it all the way through uni without orgasming during sex once,” Louis sums up. “Mate, that is truly something.”

“This is why I don’t let you get me buzzed,” Liam whines, “you always manage to pull shit out of me I don’t want to talk about.”

“Hey,” Louis says, seriously now, all mirth wiped from his face, “you know I’m just messing you. I don’t want you to feel bad about it.”

“I already feel bad about it,” Liam says quietly.

“Well, _I_ don’t want to make you feel about it,” Louis tells him. “Besides, now that I know, we can do something about it!”

Liam narrows his eyes. “What do you mean, _do_ something about it?”

“Well, we can try to figure out why it hasn’t worked for you so far and see if we can...address it.”

“This isn’t _The 40 Year Old Virgin_ , Lou,” Liam tells him carefully, eyeing up the increasingly contemplative look on Louis’ face with suspicion.

“I’m just gonna think on it,” Louis says, holding up his hands in surrender. “Nothing rash, I promise.”

The _yet_ goes unsaid, but Liam hears it anyway.

\---

The thing is, Liam never really thought about it.

He knew about Louis and Harry, sure, but he just assumed they were both super like, sexual, people.

He just didn’t understand why he could get off with his hand, or even porn, but never with a girl.

He didn’t think it was really that big of a deal. Was it?

\---

_I have a plan. Come to lad’s night at the Dagger and Rose Friday. No pressure, I promise !!!_

Liam’s phone dings with a message from Louis. He inwardly sighs.

The next text comes almost immediately after.

_Except there is totally pressure you better come lee-mo_

Liam wipes a hand over his face.

The phone dings again.

_LITERALLY_

\---

Liam is familiar with the concept of lad’s night. At least, Louis’ concept of lad’s night. Because of work, Liam hasn’t been able to show his face at one of Louis’ monthly nights out but apparently that excuse won’t suffice this time. He’s probably going to have to leave early anyway but Liam figures it’ll be easier to make an appearance, placate Louis, and go on. Then he can move on with his life. Liam sighs at the thought.

Liam knows these things are usually a mix of both Harry and Louis’ friends, some of the uni crowd that are still in the London area, like Josh and Nick. Then there’s Niall, from Harry’s work, and Liam is sure there’s a few lads from Louis’ work, too. He’s only met Niall, though, once at Louis and Harry’s flat.

The Dagger and Rose is exactly the type of dingy pub that Louis latched onto during uni and hasn’t gotten over, in spite of being able to afford top shelf vodka that he generously pours out at gatherings at his and Harry’s flat. It’s a hole in the wall (literally, the door looks like it was a hole that someone shoved a piece of wood into) and not even visible from the street. It’s actually technically down an alley, the only indication it exists being the weathered, neon lights in a front window that declare it open or closed. Liam still isn’t sure how Louis even found it.

It’s almost half past eight when Liam shoves his way through the rickety door and into the pub. He’s met with smoke, a mix of marijuana and e-cig that smells like vanilla. He hears Louis before he sees him, his high laugh ricocheting around the pub from a back corner - his favorite table.

Liam heads in that direction, eyes scanning the group of guys around the tall table - Louis, of course, with Harry attached to his side and telling a story very enthusiastically with his hands. There’s Josh and Nick, as expected. Niall, too, because Liam is pretty sure he’s never heard of Niall ever turning down a night out. There are few other guys there too that he doesn’t know by name. He doesn’t get too good of a look, though, because suddenly he’s at the table and being swept into Louis’ arms.

Louis stretches his arms around Liam’s neck and pulls him into a tight hug. “Lima Bean, you made it!”

Liam hugs Louis back before releasing him, giving an awkward onceover to the group, only half of whom are paying any attention to the exchange, still engrossed in Harry’s story.

“I told you I would,” Liam answers, taking a step back. He waves to Harry when Harry looks over and lights up at seeing Liam actually show up.

“Oh, Liam, I’m just telling everybody about that time Louis accidentally sucked up his favorite pair of speckled socks in the vacuum cleaner!” Harry tells him, giving Louis a shit-eating grin that Louis returns with the bird.

“Now you see why I’m glad you’re here,” Louis stage whispers to Liam. “He’s getting entirely too much enjoyment out of my misery.”

Liam just laughs. “So, who else is here?”

“Ah!” Louis says, stepping further away from Harry to let him further regale everyone with his stories. “Niall is...at the bar, of course,” Louis says, eyeing the group and upon not seeing Niall finding him up at the bar chatting to the bartender. “And you know Josh and Nick.”

Liam waves at them and they give him a quick “Hey” before returning to their conversation.

Louis points to two other guys who are listening to Harry’s story. “Sandy and Dan, Niall’s friends. I think they’re in a band.” They aren’t paying any mind to them, so Louis moves on. “And that,” Louis says, pausing for a few seconds too long that Liam starts to think he forgot what he was saying, “is Zayn.”

Liam follows Louis’ finger to the last person he doesn’t recognize. The guy in question is across the table from Harry, listening to the story but his eyes also keep darting around every couple of seconds. His hair is dark, _dark_ , and Liam makes out a series of tattoos along his hand when he reaches up to adjust the collar on his jacket. He can’t see his entire face but he makes out a pronounced jawline and lips set in a pout.

The name sounds familiar to Liam. “Don’t you work with a Zayn?” he asks.

“Good memory,” Louis tells him, smiling a weird smile that Liam can’t decipher. “He’s in the Marketing department. Does graphics. He does other art too.”

Liam hums in response, eyes on the back of Zayn’s head for another moment before he coughs awkwardly. “Right, well. I’m gonna get a drink. Do you want anything?”

Louis shakes his head. “No I’m good, I’ve still got half a beer unless Harry decided to be a leech and finish it off.”

Liam laughs. “Okay, I’ll be back in a second.”

Niall is still at the bar when Liam walks over and he’s met with a bellowing laugh when Niall spots him. “Liam Payne, as I live and breathe!” he shouts, pulling Liam into a one-armed hug. No matter if you’ve known Niall for 10 minutes or 10 years, he greets you just the same. “I can’t believe you finally came out for once. Louis’ been at it for ages.”

Liam shrugs. “Figured it wouldn’t kill me,” he says, grinning. “How’ve you been?”

“Good!” Niall says, taking a long gulp from his pint. “Business is good. We just opened up our new backroom last week. It’s all sound-proofed and everything now so we can get more serious about holding lessons in the shop.”

“That’s great!” Liam tells him, vaguely remembering Louis bitching about how _Harry_ was bitching that the backroom in the guitar shop that Harry and Niall own together was taking longer than expected to renovate so they could hold classes and lessons there.

“Yeah,” Niall nods, “can’t complain. Been working a lot so this is a much needed break!” He holds his pint up to cheers Liam’s when the bartender slides the glass across the countertop. “Glad you made it, Liam.”

“Thanks,” Liam smiles, and they walk together back to the table.

Louis has reclaimed his spot next to Harry but it seems storytime is over as the two of them are hunched over a phone and looking at something. Sandy and Dan are talking to Josh and Nick, and Niall wastes no time in sliding between them to fall into conversation.

The only person who isn’t engrossed yet, it seems, is Zayn.

Liam feels a second of internal panic. Complete panic.

This is why he has been consistently avoiding these things, he can’t stand when the bar gets too smelly and the conversation dips and he just has no clue what to fucking say.

There’s a movement interrupting his downward spiral and Liam looks over to Zayn.

Liam coughs. “Um, is that..is that Batman?”

Zayn turns and raises an eyebrow at him and Liam for a second has never felt so intimidated in his life.

“Your phone,” he rushes out, pointing down at Zayn’s phone. “Is that a Batman drawing on your phone?”

Zayn nods, his eyes clearly still assessing Liam.

Maybe Liam isn’t the only one with bouts of social anxiety, he wonders briefly.

“Did you draw it?” he squeaks out, under the scrutiny of Zayn’s eyes. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but like, it’s really good! Batman is my favorite so like, I like pretty much anything about him-”

Zayn cuts off Liam’s rambling. “Liam, right?”

Liam swallows at the way his name comes out of Zayn’s mouth, slow in the middle, a way he’s never heard his name sound before.

“Yes, me,” Liam slaps himself on the forehead, to collect himself. “I am Liam. Louis is my best mate, we were roommates throughout uni.”

He manages to say that staring at his beer on the table. He can feel Zayn’s eyes on him though, something that makes him so inexplicably nervous for some reason and he can’t pinpoint why.

Zayn clears his throat a little, and when Liam looks up at the sound, he’s got a little bit of a smile playing at his lips.

“Nice to meet you, Liam,” his smile grows a little wider. “It is my drawing so thank you, and Batman is my favorite, too.”

Liam fish mouths a little bit, a little dazed at the smile Zayn is giving him and the fact that he drew probably the most beautiful art of Batman Liam has ever seen.

“Do you have any more?” Liam asks a little too excitedly, his forehead leaning towards Zayn’s a bit too close to be considered comfortable.

“Liam!” Louis shouts wildly from somewhere, stopping him entirely “Buy the boy a drink before you pounce on him, Christ!”

Liam whips his head to find Louis grinning at him. He mouths “Fuck you” to his best friend before turning, face beet red once again, to Zayn. “That's not… I mean, I'm not…”

Zayn is still smiling at him. “Gay?”

“No!” Liam almost shouts. “I mean yes. No I mean…” He takes a deep breath to steady himself and grips his beer tighter, willing the nerves he can feel thrumming through his body out through his hand and into the glass. “No, I'm not gay.”

Zayn just shrugs and says, “Shame.”

And just like that, he's back to looking at his phone.

Instead of trying to figure _that_ out, Liam zooms straight into his Self Destruct mode. He's pretty sure he just made a total arse of himself and now he's going to have to spend the rest of the night awkwardly trying to butt into other people's conversations and it's _fucking_ Louis’ fault and-

“I did this one last week,” Zayn’s voice cuts through his internal diatribe, bringing Liam back into the pub and focused once again on Zayn's phone.

Momentarily distracted, Liam can't help but light up when he sees the picture on the screen. Before he can help it, he's saying excitedly, “The Joker! That's awesome!”

“Thanks,” Zayn replies quietly, flicking his finger so the screen scrolls to the same picture from another angle.

“I was The Joker for Halloween one year,” Liam goes on, staring down at the picture.

“That doesn't surprise me,” Zayn says and Liam thinks he's teasing him. His stomach flutters a bit.

This pub always did run hot.

“Louis told me you do graphics,” Liam says in lieu of replying.

“For the Marketing department, yeah. Tough to get too creative when I'm stuck using the same color palette over and over but it pays the bills.”

Liam takes him in for a second, the little bit of what seems to be paint still left on his fingers and even a smidge on his cheek that seems like it went unnoticed.

“Would you rather be doing something else?” Liam asks.

The pint that was making its way to Zayn’s lips freezes. Liam swallows as Zayn looks at him a little curiously.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, that’s rude of me to ask or even to like, _assume_ ,” Liam rambles.

Zayn finally moves and takes a sip of his pint before placing it back down on the table.

He places a hand on Liam’s arm and for a second Liam’s skin feels like it’s on fire.

They must have not adjusted the thermostat for the warmer night in the pub, honestly.

“Relax, Liam,” Zayn reassures him, before taking his hand away, letting Liam breathe again. “I would like a little more freedom, yeah. But I do painting on the side, and sell that when I can, so, ‘m doing alright.”

Liam nods and takes a large gulp of his pint, unsure what to do with his hands or his mouth since neither seem to be working.

“Thank you, though,” Zayn says so quietly Liam has to strain to hear him. “For asking.”

Liam can feel himself blush red and he curses the air system in the pub once again.

“Oi! You two in the corner!” Louis yells, entirely too loudly in Liam’s ear.

Liam looks up bewildered, while Zayn just cooly rolls his eyes, “Yes, Lou?”

“Want to play doubles?” Louis asks sweetly, batting his eyes and practically splaying himself on the table.

Harry pinches his side and Louis swats him away.

Liam inexplicably feels like he’s up to something.

“Sure, Lou,” Zayn makes a move to get up, so Liam follows in suit. “Let’s play doubles.”

“Perfect!” Louis claps. “You and Liam can play against Harry and I!”

Liam almost drops his pint.

Zayn steadies him easily, without even missing a step.

Liam’s skin burns at the touch and he can’t for the life of him figure out why the heating in this pub is so on the fritz and why he’s paying so much attention to the fact that Zayn is so much slighter than him.

Louis shoves a cue stick in his face with a wide and knowing grin.

What he knows, Liam is unsure about.

He feels honestly like his head is swimming and he’s only had half a pint.

Harry is already positioned across the pool table, lining up the balls and paying no attention to the fact that Liam feels like his heart is stuck in his throat. He gives Louis a grin when he pinches his side lightly and sometimes Liam wants to punch them for how cute they are.

Zayn picks up a stick of his own and leans against the table, hip balancing the rest of his body as he waits for Harry to finish.

“Should we make this more interesting?” Louis asks grandly, picking up a stick and waving it across the table as though no one’s in any danger of losing an eye like that.

“No,” Zayn says flatly, smirking just a little bit when Louis glares at him.

Liam can’t help but laugh and feels himself flush when Zayn winks at him and rolls his eyes.

“C’mon,” Louis says at the same time Harry says, “Ready” and gestures to the set table.

“The last time I let you talk me into a bet,” Zayn says slowly, eyeing Louis up from across the table, “I got wine drunk at three in the afternoon and we bought a Groupon for a gay sauna.”

“You say that like it didn’t turn out to be a good time,” Louis tells him.

Zayn shakes his head. “Sorry, Tommo, but you can’t be trusted.”

Liam laughs again and says, “I’ve got that one beat! At uni right before graduation, Louis bet that he could get his picture up at this one pub in the banned for life section before I could. Turns out, he was right.”

“What did he do to get barred?” Zayn asks, suddenly looking a lot more interested.

“A shorter list would be what he _didn’t_ do,” Harry pipes up, fixing Louis with a Look. “The thing that eventually did it, though, was he tried to go full nude while dancing on top of a table.”

“How drunk was he?” Zayn asks.

“He wasn’t,” Harry mutters, then laughs in spite of himself. “It was quite a display.”

“Listen, it’s a good story!” Louis says loudly, “As evidenced by the fact that we’re talking about it right now! So not all Louis Tomlinson bets are bad.”

“Solid attempt but I’m still gonna pass,” Zayn says, “because I still don’t trust you.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “That’s fine. I’ll just get you wine drunk again. Don’t forget I have pictures of you in that state, Malik.”

Zayn narrows his eyes. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Tommo. Do the words ‘office Christmas party’ mean anything to you?”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Louis shouts, pointing a finger at Zayn. “We agreed that’s off limits!”

“Then don’t make threats about getting me wine drunk,” Zayn says matter of factly. “Now, Liam,” he says suddenly, turning back to face him.

Liam can’t help it, he jumps a little bit. He’d been distracted, amused by the banter and forgetting about how close he and Zayn are standing and becoming acutely aware of the fact that their arms are brushing just a bit.

“Y-yeah?” he stutters in spite of himself, standing up a little straighter and giving a bit of distance between his and Zayn’s bodies.

“Are you ready to kick Louis’ arse at pool?” he asks, jerking his head across the table to Louis.

Liam sees out of the corner of his eye that Louis is watching him and Zayn with rapt attention, but he doesn’t give it much thought because he has to reply to Zayn like a normal person.

“Absolutely!” he answers, grinning and knocking his stick with Zayn’s when Zayn holds his out.

“Good fucking luck!” Louis yells. “We’ve got this, right, Harold?”

They don’t have it, as it turns out. Zayn and Liam win by like… A lot.

Harry thinks the whole thing is hysterical, which just serves to piss Louis off even more after they return to their table. Nick and Jeff have left but Niall is still there with Sandy and Dan and they all look up when the group returns.

“Always a sore loser,” Niall grins when Louis plops down next to him.

“Fuck off,” Louis says but there’s no bite to it. “Next time Harry’s someone else’s partner.”

“Last I checked,” Harry sings at him, kicking him under the table, “You scratching on the 8 ball was not my fault.”

“Bet you’re glad we didn’t bet now, huh?” Zayn says, voice void of any expression if it wasn’t for the fact that he winks at Liam. Again.

Louis lets out an exasperated breath. “Fine, I cave. But we’ll do this again and next time, the outcome will be different.”

“Sure,” Zayn laughs.

Liam, standing awkwardly on the outskirts of the conversation, says, “I’m, uh… Gonna get another drink.”

He begins to turn from the table when he hears a voice behind him. “I’ll come with you.”

He whips his head around to see Zayn beginning to stand as well, coming up to stand beside Liam where he’s frozen to the floor.

“Oh, uh, sure,” he says, “Great.”

It’s a true feat of the human body that it can continue to function even when the brain has short circuited. Somehow, he puts one foot in front of the other and walks up to the bar, Zayn at his heels.

Liam settles himself at the bar, for once reveling in the fact that it’s never crowded so he doesn’t need to be pressed up against Zayn in close quarters.

Though, he can still feel the heat of Zayn’s body next to his as the bartender ignores them.

They wait a few seconds and the bartender walks to the other side of the bar without a glance in their direction.

“Is it always like this?” Zayn leans in to ask.

Liam fights the urge to laugh. “I’ve never gotten a drink here without standing here for 10 minutes.”

Zayn’s eyes twinkle a little.

Liam squirms.

“Is that true, Liam?” he asks, with the same way he pronounced Liam’s name before. Soft and long in the middle. It does strange things to Liam’s stomach and brain.

“Yeah, I mean, Louis just insists on coming here even though the service is shit and the food isn’t great but he literally loves it,” Liam rambles.

Zayn is nodding the whole time, calculating it seems.

“So you’d say that they love his,” Zayn ponders for a moment, “presence and business here?”

“I mean, you’ve probably come to more lad’s nights than me, but I think so, yeah,” Liam eyes Zayn nervously.

He’s got a smirk on his face that looks quite frankly a little lethal.

“Good then,” Zay nods.

He then proceeds to hop, _hop,_ right over the bar, fill his pint glass and Liam’s and hop back over the bar within 2 minutes and without the bartender even sparing a second glance.

He drops a tenner on the bar and starts to walk away.

Liam physically can’t move, his heart is jackrabbiting out of his chest.

Fucking Christ.

Zayn stops, looking over his shoulder. “You coming, Liam?”

Liam blinks.

He’s got no choice than to follow.

Louis rolls his eyes as soon as they come back. “Zayn, you’ve got to stop climbing over the bar, honestly.”

Liam looks back and forth between them, unable to form words.

“Oh Liam, hinge your jaw back. It’s fine, don’t go all ‘Daddy Liam’ on us again here,” Louis laughs.

Harry snorts so loud that it jumpstarts Liam. Harry smacks Louis on the back of the head, which has him pinching Harry right back.

Zayn winks at him. “Daddy Liam, eh? Guess I shouldn’t have climbed over the bar, then.”

Liam chokes on his own saliva and he’s sure, he’s positive, his face is beat red.

Louis swats at Zayn. “Sit down, Zayn.”

Zayn laughs, his nose crinkling and his tongue peaking out and Liam tries to concentrate on something else. He busies himself by taking a slow, calculated drinks from the pint that Zayn got him and listening to Niall tell a story about how one of his and Harry’s vendors ran their truck into a pole right outside their shop.

The night continues like that, with a lot of laughing, too many uni stories, and Zayn pressed entirely too close to his side. It should feel weird, is the thing, but Liam finds having Zayn next to him settles him. He usually feels awkward at these things, but right now he feels comfortable.

That’s the weird part.

Eventually Sandy and Dan call it quits, leaving just the five of them at the table. Louis orders a late night plate of nachos and they pick at them, Liam mostly going for the extra cheesy tortillas on top.

Out of nowhere, Louis asks, “So Zayn, you and that guy split up, yeah?”

Liam just barely manages to avoid choking, though he does feel a scrape of the tortilla down his throat as he swallows.

Zayn doesn’t seem thrown by the question, though. “Yeah,” he answers, taking a swallow of his pint. “Wasn’t really going anywhere.”

Louis hums thoughtfully. “And you’re not seeing anybody right now, right?”

Zayn shakes his head slowly. He’s eyeing Louis a bit more, now, but still doesn’t show any sign that Louis’ prodding is bothering him.

Liam just takes another drink.

“You planning on setting Zayn up?” Niall laughs, pulling a rather large section of nachos onto his napkin.

Louis laughs like the idea is totally ludicrous but Liam still can’t shake the feeling that he’s up to something.

The end of the nachos signals the end of the night. It’s as Liam is grabbing his coat from the chair and heading out the door, shoulder to shoulder with Niall, that he realizes he can’t feel his phone in his pocket.

“Shit, be right back,” he says, turning around.

He runs right into Zayn.

“Sorry!” he says, taking a stumbly step back.

Zayn holds up Liam’s phone in front of his face. “Going back for this?”

“Oh, thanks!” Liam says, taking it from Zayn. “I, uh…”

“You’re welcome, Liam,” Zayn replies, and he says Liam’s name like _that_ again.

“It was, uh… Nice to meet you,” Liam says. He hears Niall behind him, undoubtedly waiting for Liam to get a move on.

“You too,” Zayn says. “See you around?”

“Yeah!” Liam agrees. “See you.”

Liam turns around and sees Niall giving him an expectant look. Behind him he hears Zayn talking and for a second he thinks it’s to him. He makes to turn back around but then hears Niall’s impatient coughing from ahead and he hurries to catch up with him so they can catch a cab together. They’re almost at the door when Liam hears Louis’ voice talking to Zayn. Before he can make it out, he and Niall break out of the pub into the night, the smells of late spring on the cold breeze that tunnels down the alley.

Liam thinks he imagined in but he could have sworn he felt a touch to his back when he heard Zayn’s voice.

He decides not to think about it.

\---

“My dear Leemo,” Louis drawls just a few short days later.

Liam sits down at the counter next to him and tries not to roll his eyes. “Yes, Lou?”

“Liam, my love,” Louis bats his eyelashes. Liam orders a sandwich, seeing that Louis already did, if his drink is anything to go by.

“Louis, while I love our weekly meetings,” Liam drawls. His heart hammers a little bit. “I have the feeling you want something.”

Louis stares at Liam so long that Liam can feel himself start to sweat. The water that is placed in front of him on the counter is a welcome distraction and cool-down, so he takes a sip and waits for Louis to finally get to it.

Louis seems to accept something and then flips his hair and takes a sip of his water.

“How did you like pub night?” he asks.

Liam blinks a little at the subject change. “Um, I had fun?”

Louis’ sandwich and chips arrive and he takes a chip immediately. He hums, looking at Liam again.

“How did you like Zayn?” he asks slowly, mouth closing around another chip.

Liam chokes. “What do you mean?”

Louis blinks owlishly. Another chip. He pulls a loose piece of bacon from the corner of his sandwich and pops it in his mouth. “I mean, how did you like Zayn?”

“He was fun; we had fun,” Liam answers awkwardly with a shrug.

Louis nods like that’s the most interesting thing that Liam has said all year.

Liam narrows his eyes at him.

“Louis,” he says seriously.

Louis takes a bite of his sandwich and watches as the server sets Liam’s on the counter.

Liam takes a bite at the wrong moment.

“Liam,” he says plaintively. “I think you should have sex with Zayn.”

The swallow of food promptly gets lodged in Liam’s throat. He gives a few heaving coughs, only serving to suck the food further down the wrong side. After a couple of seconds he manages to swallow it all down properly but his face is beet red and his eyes are watering like mad.

In fact, it's such an ordeal that everyone in the shop notices and is alarmed and Louis has to pat him on the back repeatedly, spoon feeding Liam his water until the scratching feeling in Liam’s throat starts to subside.

It lasts five minutes.

Once Liam finally catches his breath, he meets Louis’ gaze.

“What-” He shakes his head. “Louis.”

Louis puts his hands up in defeat. “How was I supposed to know you were going to legitimately choke?”

“Louis,” Liam fixes him with a serious stare.

“Ugh,” Louis groans. “I’m sorry. I’m just. I thought about you never having an orgasm-”

“Louis!” Liam hisses.

Louis rolls his eyes. “Orgasm,” he whispers, but continues. “And I thought well, you only had sex with women, no? So like, why not try men? Especially men who look like Greek gods and are named Zayn and love superheroes just as much as you.”

Liam stares at him. Surely he can’t be serious.

“Surely you can’t be serious,” he says.

“Zayn’s willing if you are,” Louis offers with a shrug.

Liam can feel his face flush. He doesn’t know how it’s possible to be redder after almost choking to death but he somehow manages. “You spoke to him about this?”

Louis gives a simple shrug and Liam is mortified. He’s halfway through contemplating the process of legally changing his name and moving to the States when Louis interrupts the rush of thoughts in his mind.

“I mean,” Louis backpedals. “I talked to him to see if he was interested in going out with you and helping you out a little, yeah.”

“Louis!” Liam growls, irritation prickling at his every nerve. He feels exposed and on the spot, even though their fellow diners have long since moved on from his little episode.

Louis sighs and levels him with a look, a look that Liam knows is serious and that Louis doesn’t ever like to put on.

He places a hand on his arm.

“Liam,” he says softly. “You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. But it’s just, what’s the harm in trying? You liked him, I could tell you two got on great. You don’t even need to kiss him if you don’t want to.” A noise falls out of Liam without him even trying. “But like. Haven’t you ever wondered?”

Liam stares at him blankly, heart absolutely hammering it’s way out of his chest.

“Have you ever thought about being with a boy?”

Liam deflates.

“I don’t know, Lou,” he sighs. “I don’t know there’s just, never-” Liam shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“You felt attracted to the girls you were with right? I mean you were, _hard_ , right?”

“Yes! I mean, it’s just, I don’t know, my mind was just like,” Liam rubs a hand over his face. “Elsewhere.”

Louis nods sympathetically. “What did you imagine?”

“Louis,” Liam pleads. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Please.”

Louis takes one last look at Liam, assessing. “Okay,” he concedes, and Liam feels a wave of relief. “Just let me give you his number at least. He mentioned something about wanting to talk to you anyway in case he needed some superhero shit.”

Liam hands his phone to Louis who squeals and goes into tapping in Zayn’s number immediately. He hands it back with a flourish.

His serious face is back on, though, so Liam watches Louis wait for him to have his total attention.

His voice dips low when he says, “The ball is totally in your court, okay? I’m not pressuring you. Zayn isn’t pressuring you. But if you wanted to give it a try, I think it’s worth it, yeah?”

Liam chews on his lower lip and doesn’t say anything.

Louis goes on: “If it’s a total no, that’s okay,” he says.

Liam sighs. “You know this sounds like a hooker situation, right?” But he can’t help the small smile that forms on his lips when Louis grins wolfishly at him.

“Just think about it, okay?” Louis replies, nudging him with his shoulder. “If you’re totally uncomfortable with it I won’t say another word. I just think you should have an open mind.”

Liam doesn’t really know what to say to that, doesn’t know how to say in so many words what’s going on inside him. He doesn’t know how to tell Louis that yeah, maybe he’s had the fleeting thought here or there about other guys but nothing concrete. He doesn’t know how to explain that even though he’s liked the girls he’s been with he’s never felt more than that. He doesn’t know how to explain that where Louis and Harry have just always been so _certain_ he’s never been.

“I don’t know what to say,” Liam says slowly, watching Louis watch him with careful eyes. “But I… I need to think about things.”

Louis nods. “Take all the time you need, Li.” He pauses, then: “You know I love you, right?”

Liam grins and elbows Louis, maybe a bit _harder_ than is strictly necessary but he thinks after everything that Louis just put him through he can deal with it. “I love you too.”

\---

When Liam was in his first year of uni, he was a business major. He met Louis in a music class, a general education requirement. Louis had been so impressed with Liam and had asked him immediately if that was his major.

Liam denied it every time.

Until one day Louis just looked at him, the same way he had looked at him at the sandwich shop and said, “Well, what would you like to do, mate?”

It made Liam think.

  
He changed his major the next week.

\---

Liam stares at the television, the first Avengers playing aimlessly in the background.

He remembers bringing his one girlfriend with him to see it, even though she hadn’t been excited at all.

He remembers trying is the thing. He remembers trying with every 3 week or 4 month girlfriend. He remembers trying to be a good boyfriend, he remembers trying to fit the role he was supposed to be.

He also remembers the awkwardness, the excitement that his partners had that he never had. The endless comparisons he made to Louis and Harry, that maybe someday he’d find someone that he felt just as passionate about.

That day never came.

He tries to remember his experiences with boys.

He remembers his friendship with a study abroad student from the States. They had got on so well, it was instantaneous. But Liam was dating that dancer, and the semester ended and they never talked again.

Liam wonders if maybe there was something more to that friendship.

He shakes his head.

There’s no use in trying to analyze every interaction in the past.

Captain America shows up on the screen, Chris Evans staring straight into the camera. Liam inexplicably thinks about Zayn’s drawing.

Thinks about the heat he felt the entire night, and thinks about the way the conversation flowed easily.

Chris Evans is looking at him again.

Liam looks down at his phone.

He shouldn’t.

Chris Evans smiles.

“Ugh, fine!” Liam picks up the phone.

_Hi Zayn, it’s liam, Louis’ friend from the bar?_

Liam practically throws his phone after he presses send.

It’s halfway across the room when he hears the ping of a new message.

He absolutely does not run to pick it up.

 _Hey Liam,_ Liam reads in that lilt of his voice, _what are you up to?_

The phone pings again.

It’s a picture message of The Avengers playing on the screen of a TV. It looks like there’s spray paint peaking on a wall in the background.

_I found this on tv, can’t turn it off now_

Liam silently screams to himself.

He snaps a picture of his screen.

 _No way!!!!! I’m watching too!_ , he sends followed by a long string of emojis.

He probably should have waited for the emojis to enter.

Zayn doesn’t seem to mind though, if the next ping of his phone is anything to go by.

They watch the rest of the movie together, texting each other during favorite parts and adding commentary about the scenes or the actors or the Marvel universe in general that they think could have been done better in the film.

It’s much better than being watching a movie with Louis yapping in his ear, Liam thinks.

\---

Things continue like that for a week.

Liam manages to duck every serious conversation with Louis (a feat, really, given how persistent and naggy Louis can be) and he talks to Zayn as much as possible, finding any reason he can to shoot him off a text.

He doesn’t think about it, until it’s all he thinks about.

He’s in the middle of a meeting about...something that he hasn't been paying attention to because Zayn and his conversations with him are literally all he can think about. Is Zayn only talking to him because he feels bad for him? Did he text him a doodle this morning just because he wants to sleep with him? Are they friends at this point? What did Louis say to him? Why can he only come with his hand?

Liam’s head is swimming and he honestly just can’t handle the texts, the constant heart racing, and wondering about all boys past and present. In his dark moments, he thinks about not confronting those maybe not-so-platonic feelings he had for boys in the past and feels pangs of regret grip hold in his chest.

He doesn't want to keep doing that.

He cracks on the tube home, taking out his phone and sending a text.

 _So, what did louis tell you exactly?_ it reads, not bothering with any introduction because it's not like he doesn't know that Zayn _knows_.

He sticks his headphones in and plays Drake as loud as possible to ignore the pounding in his chest.

He’s about to get off at his stop when a text pops up.

_just that you were wondering about experimenting with a man_

Liam’s heart hammers. Is he wondering about experimenting with a man? Is that what he wants to do?

He thinks of the selfies Zayn has been sending him.

He texts back with shaking fingers. _i mean, louis seems to think it’s a good idea._

He rummages around his flat for something to eat, contemplating takeaway, or maybe calling up Louis and seeing what him and Harry are doing for dinner.

He texts his friend Andy for pizza and movies and pretends that he’s totally equipped to handle Zayn in his leather jacket, quaffed hair, and amber eyes.

The text back in between his plan-making with Andy makes him realize he can’t handle it at all.

 _What do you think?_ it reads.

Liam stares at his phone.

  
What does he think?

He paces around his room, starts up Netflix on his gaming console and orders the pizza. Andy should be over in about 15 minutes.

  
He breathes in and out through his nose.

What does he think?

He sends a text before he regrets it.

_I think it wouldn’t hurt to try._

_\---_

They plan to meet the next day which does absolutely nothing to ease Liam’s nerves.

He barely makes it through the work day. He’s worked himself up so much that he facetimes Louis for at least 45 minutes going through different outfits.

Both Louis and Harry try to ask him if he’s doing what he wants, how he’s feeling, is he okay. Harry pipes up more than once that Liam isn't obligated to do anything and that if he's that nervous it's okay if he changes his mind. He considers it for a moment before deciding that nerves are better than regret. He tells Harry and Louis as much and they don't say another word about it. The conversation ends with their final approval of his outfit and parting words of _you'll be fine_ and _be safe_ and _we love you_.

When Liam ends the call, the buzzing in his head hasn't stopped. Honestly, he's so keyed he can barely even think of the place they’re meeting for happy hour.

It’s just happy hour, he thinks to himself as he smooths over his shirt.

In a second of blind panic, his hair quaffed and him absolutely despising it, he reaches into the box under his bathroom sink and digs out his electric razor. A few minutes later, his hair is buzzed completely.

He stares back at himself, hair buzzed like he had it at some point in uni, and feels both like himself and like he's looking at a stranger.

Christ, he’s really lost his marbles.

He almost changes his shirt but then he glances at the clock. His stomach flutters as it reads 3:40 back at him. He has a 12 minute tube ride so he should probably leave.

He glances in the mirror one more time, snaps a quick selfie to show Louis for approval (which earns him a _CALM DOWN LOAM WHAT HTE HELL THE LAST TIME YOU SHAVED YOUR HEAD YOU WENT FOR A 6 MILE RUN AND THEN DIDN’T COME HOME FOR 7 HOURS)_ , cleans up his flat, and practically runs out the door.

He makes it to the pub (a classier pub, thank God) and gets a table in the back for the two of them. Liam is 95 percent sure he is about to sweat his way out of his entire outfit, never mind that he's right under the air conditioner. He doesn't even feel it.

There’s already a good amount about of people milling about and settling in with their tables. Liam takes one glance at the door, back at his phone for the time, and then another glance at the door.

Zayn walks through in that very instant and he looks even cooler than Liam remembers. His hair is styled back, but with one piece so effortlessly falling into his eyes, and he’s got his (signature, Liam could only assume) leather jacket on. He looks like a model.

Liam’s just shaved his head like an absolute nutter and Zayn’s approaching his table looking like a goddamn model.

He’s not sure he can breathe.

Zayn spots him pretty quickly, smile growing on his face with a little tongue peaking out like he’s genuinely excited to see him.

Liam is not sure he isn’t going to puke.

“Liam,” Zayn slides into the other side of the book effortlessly, with Liam’s name rolling off his tongue in that way that Liam can hardly stand. He stares at him for a moment. “Liam,” he repeats. “What happened to your hair?”

Zayn’s tattooed hand almost reaches out but then he pulls it back.

Liam all but throws his hand into his hands. “Does it look terrible? I just panicked and then it was gone.”

There’s a hand tracing over the buzz of his hair leaving heat in its wake.

“I think it looks sick,” Zayn compliments, a little breathy.

He looks up, but Zayn pulls his hand away and looks unperturbed. He smiles easily.

Liam finds himself matching the smile, a little bit of ease settling itself in him.

“Did you see the new trailer for Infinity War?” Zayn asks, an excited tilt to his mouth.

Liam lets out a squeal (read: manly shout) that has Zayn looking at him some sort of way that Liam can’t decipher right now.

He rambles about the trailer for a good seven minutes, so much so that their pints are dropped off for them and he hadn’t even had a chance to think of their appetizers, they were so engrossed in conversation.

With every word that comes out of Zayn’s mouth, Liam feels a little more easy.

This is easy, they’re friends.

“How was work this week?” Liam asks after they’ve finally ordered their appetizers.

A light shines in Zayn’s eyes that replaces the nerves in Liam’s stomach to excited butterflies.

“Would you like to see? I mean I’ve sent you most of them, but we are actually working on this new comic this week,” Zayn pulls out his phone, but then hides it quickly.

“This is top secret information, Liam,” Zayn guards his phone and looks at Liam very seriously. “I’m trusting you with this, but you better not breathe a word of it to anyone.”

Liam stares at him for a moment a little bit out of his depth. “Do you trust me?” Liam blurts out.

Zayn quirks his head to the side, studying Liam for a minute.

“Yeah, Liam,” he nods, looking at Liam entirely too seriously for the moment. “I trust you. You’ve got kind eyes.”

Liam finds himself taking another gulp of his pint and staring down at the table, blushing.

The last ounce of nervousness that Liam had escapes him and he feels himself relax completely.

Christ, he can’t believe he was so nervous he shaved his entire fucking head. Louis is going to drag him for months.

He’s about to laugh at his ridiculousness when Zayn’s voice cuts through.

“What about you?” Zayn asks, his voice soft, eyes still calculating. “D’ya trust me?”

Liam studies Zayn this time, thinking of the night they met, the complete ease and fire Zayn places under him, the conversations they’ve had all week that had been easy, both serious and fun, completely without pressure.

He wonders briefly what exactly Zayn means by that question.

He looks at Zayn’s eyes, the freckle that’s in one, the gold hue that they seem to take on.

“Yeah,” Liam finds himself nodding. “Yeah, I trust you.”

“Good,” Zayn says, nodding, and then turns his phone around so the screen is facing Liam. “I did this one yesterday.”

Liam eyes up the pops of blue and red color on the screen. “Looks like those firecracker popsicles I see in those American movies.”

“Well,” Zayn whispers as he swipes to show some more pictures, like he’s letting Liam in on more of the secret. “It is set in America, so.”

Liam laughs. “So you’ve gone with a good color scheme.”

Zayn crinkles his eyes when he smiles back. “Did you doubt me, Liam?”

Liam just blushes in return, a pleased swoop in his belly to match.

\---

Liam notes how easy it is to talk to Zayn after they make it through two appetizers and another nursed pint in two hours. The conversation just flows so naturally, and he finds himself eager to learn whatever Zayn has to share with him, and eager to share right back.

Which is how they had found themselves pressed together on one side of the booth so Zayn could show Liam some R&B artists he had never even heard of on his playlists and Liam could share some comic writers that Zayn had forgotten about, making them smile from ear to ear in their little bubble.

“I, um,” Liam looks up at Zayn suddenly nervous. “I have the whole collection at my flat like, I set up the entire thing. It’s super dorky but like… It's the best set up you could ask for.”

Zayn raises an eyebrow at Liam, a small smirk growing on his lips. Liam tries not to flush. “Are you asking me back to your flat, Leeyum?”

Liam blanches for a moment, feeling his eyes go wide and his mouth drop open in a very unattractive way.

He doesn't have a chance to awkwardly stutter or out a reply, though. Zayn rests his hand on Liam’s forearm and everything quiets.

“Hey,” he says gently, moving his other hand to tilt Liam’s chin up from where he’s trying to bury himself into the table. “I’m not asking anything of you, remember that. Everything we do is up to you. Even just looking at your comics.”

Zayn’s so close to him that he can barely concentrate on the words that are soothing him, his scent dizzying and intoxicating.

“Let’s go,” Liam says quickly, Zayn’s hand dropping from him but a small smile on his face. “There’s a first edition in there somewhere that you’d kill for.”

There’s an excitement in Liam’s belly that builds as they split the check (Liam tries not to read into it) and find their way to the tube station towards Liam’s flat, giggling all the way.

They people watch other people in the train car and Zayn makes up backstories for them, doing ridiculous accents that have Liam doubled over laughing, almost missing their stop.

They tumble their way out of the car and towards Liam’s flat, giggling together the whole walk there.

It’s the best non-date that Liam has ever been on and he can’t stop smiling or laughing.

  
The twinkle in Zayn’s eye seems to tell him the same thing.

Liam manages to get them into the flat, and by the time he closes the door of his apartment, the air settles around him a little abruptly.

It’s different somehow.

Zayn, very real, very cool, very lovely Zayn, in his flat. With the possibility of _something_ happening between them.

Something that Liam might actually _want_ to happen.

The thought makes Liam jumpstart, panic setting in, and he’s back to rambling, leading Zayn to his comic collection, which is color coordinated and alphabetized which is _so fucking nerdy_ , but Liam actually can’t stop talking.

Zayn quirks a brow but doesn’t say anything, just presses his fingertips gently along the spine of every comic, analyzing them as he goes.

Between feeling the anticipation tight between them and his rambling just to keep _talking_ Liam barely takes a breath.

He stills, tight lipped, staring at the back of Zayn, his slight hips, the darkness of neck tattoo, the wisps of hair that look like a breeze just passed through them.

Liam is so out of his depth.

His stomach is fluttering far too much to be normal, and his breathing is shallow.

Zayn turns around at his abrupt silence, eyes wide and curious, Liam’s favorite comic since he was 12 in his hand, mouth open to speak and Liam just- He _loses_ it.

His mouth connects with Zayn’s before he even has a chance to think about it.

He presses in entirely too eagerly, cradling Zayn’s chin (where there is _stubble_ , Liam thinks fleetingly), and backing him into the wall.

Zayn kisses him back with just as much force, mouth hot, insistent, tasting sweet like nothing Liam’s ever tasted before.

He doesn’t remember ever being so dizzy from a kiss.

It’s like Zayn can feel the flutter in his fingertips, because the kiss changes suddenly into something more languid, slow. Liam, for a brief second, wonders how he’s the one pressing Zayn into the wall, but gave up all of his power.

Zayn pulls back, kissing Liam on the corner of the mouth, grabbing his face in his hands.

They’re soft hands, softer than Liam imagined.

Zayn’s eyes focus in on his and Liam tries to stay upright at the intensity of his gaze.

“Liam,” he starts, voice low, calm. “You shaved your head in a fit of panic and now you’ve kissed me in another fit of panic. You’re shaking, love.” His thumb caresses Liam’s cheek. “I can leave right now.”

“No,” Liam shakes his head, but Zayn’s hands are still just as strong, just as weighted on the sides of his jaw. “I just. I’m nervous, yes, but I want-”

Liam shakes his head, but Zayn moves to put himself right back in Liam’s line of vision.

“I wanted to kiss you,” he admits, as though that wasn't _blatantly_ obvious.

Zayn nods, as if the informations doesn’t surprise him. “Do you still want to?”

Liam eyes dip down to Zayn’s mouth. “Yes.”

“Okay,” Zayn nods, his hands still firmly on Liam’s face, grounding him in the conversation, in the moment, keeping him calm, centered.

Liam can feel himself start to breathe easily again, the feel of Zayn's fingers anchoring him.

“Can you tell me what this is about?” Zayn asks quietly.

Liam swallows, no clue where to start.

“It’s okay, I just want to know before we move forward any more,” Zayn’s voice is calm, soothing, and his gaze doesn’t waver from Liam’s eyes.

It would normally be intimidating to be in this position this long, but Liam feels like he’s breathing better than ever.

“I’ve never,” Liam starts. “I’ve never come with a girl, and I never wondered about it until Louis asked me if I’ve ever considered being with a boy, and I never really thought about anything, but I think,” Liam meets Zayn’s gaze head on. “I think I want to try.”

“You think you want to try what?” Zayn asks, voice still the same.

“Everything,” Liam breathes out.

“Okay,” Zayn says, but Liam thinks it’s mostly to himself. His fingers falter and his eyes seem to darken. “Okay, we’ll keep talking about it.”

Liam nods, mouth open to say something, anything else to keep Zayn looking like he does, but it gets lost when Zayn surges forward.

The kiss is absolutely searing, Liam’s mouth complies eagerly to every swipe and nip that Zayn makes. It makes Liam’s knees weak, his head dizzy, and he’s hard instantly.

He doesn’t think he’s ever been so hard so fast.

Zayn pushes them back off the wall until Liam’s legs hit the couch and he’s falling into it, Zayn straddling him.

His hands automatically grab onto his hips and it’s different, it’s so different than anything has ever experienced before - Zayn’s stubble scratching his chin, his thin hips, the control that Liam is giving up, _all_ of it.

Zayn’s mouth moves down his neck, sucking, nipping all along the way, which has Liam bucking up for something, _anything_.

He knows Zayn’s recognized it because he presses in more, and suddenly Liam can feel that Zayn’s hard too.

Liam groans and Zayn takes advantage of his mouth gone slack as licks his way back to Liam’s mouth.

Zayn pulls back, enough space between them so that Liam can feel little breaths of air tickle his lips. “What did you do before? You’d kiss her, and then what? What came next?”

Liam honestly can’t concentrate when Zayn’s dick is pressed so close to his.

Zayn sits up a little more, putting a bit more space between their mouths but their hips are still pressed close together.

“What did you do next?” he asks again, leaning down so his mouth is a breath away from Liam’s.

Liam breathes out.

“Usually, we’d kiss a lot, to um,” Liam stutters as Zayn’s mouth dips forward. “To get in the mood.”

Zayn grinds a little tentatively. “Seems like you’re already in the mood.”

Liam shakes his head. “Never, um,” Zayn lifts his hips back up. “Never this fast.”

There’s instantly a smile on Zayn’s lips, one that Liam is mirroring instantly.

“Then what? Few minutes of kissing,” Zayn kisses him once, hotter than any kiss has had with anyone else.

“Not a few minutes,” Liam tries to duck his head in a blush.

Zayn leans back, and a little surprised and a little assessing.

“Okay, until you were ready,” he says, voice low. “Then what would happen?”

“Um, we would like, get ready,” Liam stutters out, the words muddled with Zayn so close. It sounds so stale, so rehearsed what he would do before. Like a clinical routine.

He tries not to cringe at the thought.

“Get ready? For what?” Zayn teases. “Were you kissing and then decided to go to a club, Liam?”

Liam huffs out a laugh. “No, I mean-” he cuts himself off. “It seems so,” he trails off.

“So?” Zayn prompts, an eyebrow raised.

“So, clinical, I don’t know,” Liam rambles, “I’d touch her, she’d touch me, then.”

Zayn grinds in and Liam stops talking.  
  
“Okay. She’d touch you, where?” Liam is fully aware of the way Zayn’s hands start wandering, all over his body.

“Usually just, a simple, you know,” Liam barely breathes out as Zayn’s trace down his neck, his ribs, his arms, clasping one of their hands together in a way that is far too intimate for Liam to process.

His other hand wanders down lower until it skims over the hem of Liam’s shirt.

“Is this okay?”

Liam’s body and mind have not one reason to say no to the beautiful boy on top of him.

“Yes.”

“So they’d touch you,” Zayn prompts. “Tug you off, but you never could come?”

His fingers dance at the line of his pants. It almost tickles, if it wasn’t so anticipatory.

“Yeah, and if-” Zayn’s hand moves dangerously close to his cock which is embarrassingly straining in his pants.

“If what?” Zayn pulls his hand away.

“If that didn’t um,” Liam fishes for the right word. “Didn’t work, then sometimes they’d suck me off.”

Zayn stills for a moment. “And you still didn’t come?”

“No, I’d usually just,” Liam deflates a bit. “I usually just tried and asked to like, put it in her so I could let her come, and just fake it so it was over.”

“Liam,” Zayn says, a bit strangled and nope, _nope._

“But this,” Liam takes his hand from Zayn’s and grabs onto both of Zayn’s hips, pulling him in closer than ever. “This feels better than anything I’ve ever felt in my life.”

Zayn eyes twinkle a bit, face gone soft, and if Liam was a daring person, he’d venture to say a little fond. He leans forward and kisses him, soft and sweet, as if to say, _thank you, love._

Liam pouts. “That was very sweet, but I’d like more, please,” he smiles at Zayn teasingly.

Zayn raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re a little bad under those puppy eyes aren’t you, Liam?”

Liam squeezes Zayn’s bum, making him yelp and laugh. It’s quite the sound, one that goes straight to his cock and makes his head fuzzy.

“Come on, then,” Zayn says, before palming Liam and kissing him again. The sensation is almost overwhelming for him. He’s had a few hands on his dick, but nothing, _nothing_ ever like this. No one ever elicited such a reaction out of him, and he’s still got a layer of pants and jeans on.

Zayn rubs over him slowly, tantalizingly, every swipe of his tongue matching the press of his hand. Every time he comes up to bare skin, Liam bucks up in want, chasing the sensation of skin on skin.

“Can I,” he starts. “Can we take off our jeans?”

He feels Zayn smile against his mouth, a little huff of laughter. “Yes, Liam. We can take of our jeans,” Zayn gets up shuffling his way out of his jeans before Liam quickly removes his. Liam sits back into the couch, pulling at Zayn’s hips to come back on his lap but Zayn doesn’t move.

“What?” Liam asks, looking up at him.

“You said,” Zayn assesses him with one long look. “You said sometimes they’d suck you off.”

Liam’s brain short circuits. Before he can answer, Zayn drops down to his knees and crowds himself between Liam’s legs.

“Is this okay?”

Liam nods quickly, unable to form words. Zayn leans up, kissing Liam once, before returning to his knees, hands running up and down Liam’s thighs, nails digging into his bare skin and scraping lightly with every drag. Liam closes his eyes for a brief second, reveling in the feel of Zayn’s soft hands running all along his skin, before opening them quickly wanting to see every moment of it.

  
Zayn kisses his way up his thighs, leaving excitement in his belly and his cock twitching. With his mouth sucking a love bite into his thigh, Zayn pulls down Liam’s pants, getting a hand on his cock.

Liam moans so loud his entire body shakes with it.

He forces his eyes to stay open as he watches Zayn move. He admires Zayn’s eyelashes, his cheekbones, his goddamn everything, as he licks and sucks his way up to Liam’s dick.

Liam holds his breath as Zayn pauses. “Are you sure you want this?” Zayn’s mouth is so close to Liam’s dick that he can feel the air escaping his mouth on it.

“Please,” Liam groans.

Zayn nods and takes him entirely into his mouth.

Liam watches in amazement because nothing, _nothing_ has ever felt like this.

It’s in his entire body, every inch of him completely on fire, reacting to every flick of Zayn’s tongue, every press of his fingers. Never in his life has he ever felt so turned on. His mind can't focus on any one thing, brain scattering between Zayn's tongue dragging down his cock and sucking lightly at the head and how Zayn takes him all the way down and he hits the back of his throat for just a second before he pulls off and gives soft licks along the length.

He watches Zayn’s mouth move over his cock, lips wrapped around the head, nails digging into his thighs and head bobbing before the image of it is all too much. He throws his head back and closes his eyes, reveling in the feeling, the hot heat, the intensity he’s never experienced. His mouth drops open on a groan, feeling his chest heave and heart pound.

Liam can feel the familiar tightening in his belly, all too soon. He grabs at Zayn's hand  on his thigh and grips his fingers, feeling himself start to thrust into Zayn's mouth to get his mouth on him _more_ but there is no more. Zayn is relentless as he works him over. He moans at a kitten lick at his slit before Zayn sucks him down again, faster than before, and Liam can't take it.

Liam’s going to come.

He’s actually going to come.

He wrenches his eyes open and takes one last look at Zayn, head bobbing between his thighs, lips tight around his cock and that’s it.

Liam comes for the first time, ever, during sex. He breathes out a “ _Fuck_ ” as he grips Zayn's hands tight and spills into his mouth.

Zayn sucks him through it, pressure around his cock easing as Liam starts to breathe evenly again. Then Zayn presses kisses all around his cock until Liam’s far too sensitive, giggling and opening his eyes in surprise.

“I just came,” he laughs incredulously, staring down at Zayn in a bit of shock.

Zayn laughs too, a bright sound and a gorgeous look on his face to match.

“So did I,” he admits as he pulls up Liam’s pants. He tugs himself up onto the couch and kisses Liam quickly before settling into his side on the couch.

Liam looks down. “Wait, what?”

Zayn shrugs. “I guess being the first one to make you come was enough.”

Liam stares, feeling his eyes grow wider.

“I jerked myself off while you were entirely too blissed out to notice,” Zayn clarifies with a laugh. “The most gorgeous thing,” he kisses Liam on the neck, stubble tickling along the sensitive skin.

“Don’t do that,” Liam swats at him. “You keep doing that, and I’ll be ready for round 2.”

“Round 2?” Zayn smirks. “That’s big talk for someone who just came for the first time during sex.”

“First time with a partner, ever,” Liam cuddles Zayn in.

There’s a pause and then Zayn mumbles into LIam’s neck, words slightly muffled, “You want to talk about it?”

Liam’s heart races a bit, his brain a little bit fried but he doesn’t feel any panic churning in his chest so he decides in a split second to just ride this high out. “Not yet,” he says, but it sounds like a promise - they will, he _wants_ to, just not right now. “Want to watch a movie?” he offers instead.

“Could I actually,” Zayn blows on Liam’s neck, gently, leaving goosebumps.

“Anything,” Liam breathes out.

“Could I actually have some pants and joggers?” Zayn laughs.

“What?” Liam pulls away and grins incredulously at him.

“Well,” Zayn looks at Liam very seriously. “When two boys do things, they usually get a little messy and mine happened to get a little bit on my pants so…”

“Oh,” Liam blushes. “I’ll go grab you some, and a wet cloth. I’ll put it in the bathroom, if you’d like?”

Zayn kisses him quick. “Sounds great.”

Liam practically flees to his room, looking around for the smallest pair of joggers he can find. He shuffles through his drawers quickly, finding three pairs that are much too big, and one that should do. He switches into a pair of his own before he goes to the bathroom and wets a cloth, leaving it on the sink.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He doesn’t look any different (besides the shaved head, of course, which he’s not used to yet), but he feels different. He feels infinitely different in a way that he can’t put into words yet. There’s a buzzing under his skin that he can’t control, happy butterflies in his stomach. All he knows is that his excitement hasn’t flagged at all, he’s still just as excited as he was earlier. Eager to spend more time with Zayn, eager to show him everything and listen to every word he has to say.

He takes a deep breath, rubs his hands down his face, and goes back to Zayn.

“Everything’s ready,” Liam walks back to his couch. “I’ll turn on a movie, yeah?”

“Thanks, babe.” Zayn stands up, pausing and putting his hand on the back of Liam’s neck. It forces Liam to lean back a bit to look him in the face. “You sure you’re good?”

The question makes Liam feel inexplicably warm. His eyes crinkle, and Zayn’s mirror his a moment later. “Yeah, yes. I’m good.”

He doesn’t breathe as Zayn leans down and kisses him once on the mouth, quick and barely a brush.

“Bathroom is on the right,” Liam tells him as he watches Zayn retreat.

He settles into the couch, turning on Netflix. He starts one of the Marvel movies that show up in his Recently Watched queue, figuring any of them will do. Zayn shuffles back within seconds, looking soft and warm in Liam’s joggers. His mouth is still a little pink and there’s a rosy blush on his cheeks.

He’s just in a pair of old joggers but Liam’s never been so attracted to someone in his life.

He opens his arms up. “Come on then, come cuddle.”

Zayn grins wide, tongue popping out behind his teeth, before settling into Liam’s side.

“Nice choice,” he comments when his eyes drift to the TV and they fall on Doctor Strange.

They settle into each other like that, Zayn cuddled into Liam’s chest, chatting about the movie and making commentary about the plot. The conversation casually drifts to their families, little things they are still learning. Slowly, they relax more and more into each other until they’re completely laid out on Liam’s couch, wrapped in each other, barely watching the movie, more just breathing each other in. Liam can smell a trace of cigarette smoke on Zayn’s skin, mostly around his chin, and he takes deep breaths of it. With Zayn’s weight on top of him, he can feel himself start to chub up.

The hand on the small of Zayn’s back starts to rub circles on bare skin. Liam wonders if there’s any tattoos there. Quietly, he asks, “Do you have any tattoos on your back?”

“I do,” Zayn replies, voice sleep soft.

Liam wonders, also, if it’s possible to be attracted to someone’s voice. He thinks it’s possible.

“Can I see?” Liam asks, curiously.

“Only if you show me yours,” Zayn mumbles and Liam feels more than hears him smile.

“Okay,” Liam agrees. He slowly lifts them both up, carefully moving Zayn off of him, before taking off his shirt. He shivers at the change in temperature, his skin objecting to the cool air where before it had been engulfed in warmth. He doesn’t have too much time to dwell on it, though, because Zayn is staring, a little slack-jawed.

“What?” Liam covers himself a little self-consciously, grinning with a mix of nerves and embarrassment.

Zayn pulls his arm away. “No, babe,” Zayn licks at his lip. “You’re incredible.”

  
Liam giggles. “I’m not.” Sure, he has some definition in his arms that he knows looks good if he flexes the right way and he’s gotten into doing certain ab workouts lately but he wouldn’t say he looks _incredible_.

“No, you are and now I can’t take off mine,” Zayn shakes his head, eyes still sweeping over the ink spread over Liam’s skin.

“Come on,” Liam groans as pulls at the edges of Zayn’s shirt. “If I have to sit here like this, so do you. I want to see your tattoos.”

Zayn huffs but complies, pulling his shirt over his head in one smooth move.

There’s so much black ink splattered everywhere across Zayn’s brown skin. There’s so much ink everywhere that it makes Liam’s mouth dry and his hands reach out to trace the skin.

He traces up his arms, across his chest, towards his neck, paying attention to every line, and every shade. He’s leaned in so close he can hear every hitch of Zayn’s breath, and it’s so intimate. It’s so incredibly intimate, the heat between them raises until Liam is practically suffocating with it.

Liam leans in and tentatively presses his mouth to the lips on Zayn’s chest in a kiss.

Zayn groans, grabbing Liam from the back of his neck and bringing his mouth to his.

It’s wet hot heat, warm chests pressed in close as Liam climbs over Zayn, laying him down onto the couch.

He brings his mouth down to kiss and drag over every tattoo he can find, on his neck, on his chest, finding himself going lower and lower.

He’s got tattoos _everywhere_.

He makes his way to Zayn’s hips, finding his mouth tracing a revolver, and his brain inexplicably yelling at him to return the favor.

He wants his mouth on Zayn.

“Z,” Liam pleads, lips stumbling out a nickname he didn’t even realize he wanted to use but by Zayn’s reaction he thinks it’s okay.

Zayn peers down. “Whass’it babe?”

  
“Wanna,” Liam looks down to where Zayn’s dick is tented in his joggers. “Wanna put my mouth on you, but…”

Zayn stops breathing, Liam is sure of it. His eyes are dark, mouth dropped open, and his body still, taut. Like a rubber band ready to snap.

“Need you to help me,” Liam tells him, blush high on his cheeks but he’s committed now, no use being shy.

Zayn’s face softens. “Okay.”

Liam moves to pull down Zayn’s pants and joggers in one fell swoop, but Zayn’s hand stops him.

“You don’t owe me anything Liam, you know that right? You don’t have to do this.”

Liam gets that warm feeling in his belly again. “I know. I want to, trust me.”

“You’ve never seen a dick before, though,” Zayn reasons, hand coming up to scrape gently at Liam’s scalp in what is a steady, soothing motion. Liam isn’t sure if it’s more for him or Zayn himself.

Liam pulls down Zayn’s pants, a serious face plastered on, calculating. “Seen one every day of my life, _babe_.”

Zayn laughs and Liam feels caught in it before his eyes refocus and he’s mesmerized. There’s a dick that’s not his own in front of his face and it’s hard.

“That’s not what I meant, _babe_ ,” Zayn pinches him in the arm, which has Liam yelping.

“I’m handling it just fine,” Liam moves to grab Zayn’s dick at the base. He’s jerked off before.

It’s thick in his hands and Liam feels both proud of himself and excited. He’s doing this. He’s actually doing this, he’s got his hand on Zayn’s dick and he’s moving it in slow, careful strokes up and down.

“You’re handling it great, Liam,” Zayn corrects him.

Liam beams and tightens his grip just a bit.

Zayn swallows. “Good,” he says cooly. “Now, just-”

Liam can’t help himself, he leans in and licks the head, just a little kitten lick with the tip of his tongue.

Zayn moans. “Yes, do that.”

Liam thinks he saw a girl lick a stripe up from the base to the top once (he doesn’t know what it says that he can’t remember if it actually happened to him or he saw it in porn), so Liam does just that.

“Babe,” Zayn breathes out. “Okay, open your mouth.”

Liam opens his mouth, as Zayn’s hand covers his and guides his dick all the way in.

Liam closes his lips and licks and sucks, Zayn squirming beneath his hand.

  
He’s honestly never felt a thrill like this, not even when he made girls come. It had been nice to watch them fall apart just from him, but nothing like this. Nothing like the high he is getting from experimentally running his tongue and mouth along Zayn’s dick, sucking and licking, his hand gripping the base to cover what his mouth can’t, all while Zayn moans above him, hips trying to stay perfectly still.

He understands why Zayn touched himself through it.

Liam lets his instincts take over, sucking a bit harder, following Zayn’s moans and stutters.

“You’re doing so well, babe,” Zayn runs a hand over Liam’s buzzed head, and Liam moans.

“I’m gonna come soon,” Zayn warns him.

Liam pops off. “What’s it taste like?”

Zayn looks bewildered. “Come?”

Liam licks the head of Zayn’s cock once more before nodded.

Zayn rolls his eyes back. “It tastes like come,” he says dryly. “A little thick, a little salty.”

Liam nods. “You can come, then,” he tells him from his place literally on top of the world. His neck is a bit sore, the angle not the greatest on the couch but honestly, he feels like he can handle anything. He swallows Zayn down again.

He keeps at his rhythm, sucking and licking, using his hand a bit. Liam can feel himself building up just as he feels Zayn fall apart. He glances up to find Zayn’s eyes screwed shut, mouth clamped down on his lip, his hand at the base of Liam’s neck, steady, and his body twitching. It’s the most beautiful sight Liam’s seen, and he just saw Zayn _giving_ head.

“I’m gonna come,” Zayn warns him. Liam sucks a bit harder, probably a little too eagerly, but it has Zayn’s hand gripping the back of his neck so hard that Liam’s eyes roll back into his head, and come spurting into his mouth, which he swallows easily.

It is a little thick and a little salty.

He thinks he could get used to it.

Zayn hauls him up, kissing him greedily, licking into his mouth and biting at him.

“You are the most amazing thing in the world, Liam Payne,” Zayn mumbles against his mouth.

“No,” Liam disagrees, eagerly returning the kisses Zayn is peppering over his mouth. “I think you might be.”

Zayn blushes, the first time Liam thinks he’s seen him blush.

“That’s cute,” Liam comments.

Zayn swats at him.

“How do you feel about trying something new?” Zayn asks, a little seriously.

“I think pretty good considering I just blew you,” Liam shrugs, still floating a bit from making Zayn come and feeling pretty good about it.

Zayn rolls his eyes at the snark. “Blow one boy and suddenly you’re Mr. Confident.”

Liam laughs. “Fine,” he concedes. “What is the new thing?” It makes his skin tingle in excitement.

“Well, you know,” Zayn pulls up his pants. Liam kind of misses his dick. “Some people bottom, or some people top. Then you have people like Harry and Louis who kind of share that, really.”

Liam nods, unsure of where Zayn’s going with this.

“I wasn’t sure if you had any ideas of whether you’d like one or the other.”

Liam looks at Zayn. “Well, what do you prefer?”

Zayn blinks. “This is about your sexual exploration, Liam.”

“Yeah, I know. But I want to know what you prefer.”

Zayn thinks for a moment. “I think it depends on the partner what I prefer most of the time. But, I do like to switch it up.”

Liam thinks about it for a second. He’s never had anything up his bum. Not even a daring finger while he was masturbating. He’s thought about it, sure. After hearing Louis and Harry have sex, he had to think about it. But it’s never gone further than that.

“What are you thinking?” Zayn asks, voice light, soft.

  
He thinks of how good it felt to please Zayn, but also how good it felt to see Zayn pleasing him.

“I think I’d like to try both,” Liam tells him. It feels so surreal to say it out loud. “How else would I know what I like?”

Zayn kisses him quick. “I think that’s a lovely idea, Liam. If you’re sure.”

Liam thinks of the idea of Zayn fucking him, thought passing through his mind like a far off dream. Zayn rocking over him, kissing his neck and holding his hands. He’s still hard, not as hard as when he was blowing Zayn since he’s had a few minutes to cool down, but his dick definitely perks up at the idea. He also thinks of fucking Zayn, crowding his body and making him moan, crowding over him and covering him.

“Can I finger you, then? If you hate it, we’ll stop. If you’re unsure, we’ll talk. And if you love it, we’ll keep going until you come,” he offers.

“Yeah,” Liam nods. “Yes, I want to try.”

“Okay. Do you have any lube?” Zayn asks.

Liam racks his brain. He’s sure he’s got lube somewhere. “One second.”

He runs to his bedroom, checking his usual sex drawer for condoms (he’s got two and they’re thankfully not expired) and there’s a small bottle of lube. Thank God.

The amount of relief that runs though Liam is actually surprising. He’s doing this and he doesn’t feel an ounce of fear. Nervous anticipation, maybe, but no fear.

He hands Zayn the lube as soon as he comes back, causing Zayn to kiss him quick and dirty, making his cheeks flame and his cock stand up tall.

Zayn lays him down on the couch, and climbs his way over him.

He kisses all the way down his bare chest, getting his mouth on Liam’s nipples, like he had been waiting all his life to do it. He licks his way down Liam’s abs, biting and sucking his way, before taking off Liam’s pants and swallowing him down.

Liam has to stop himself from coming and they’ve barely even started. He goes to grip the base of his cock but Zayn beats him to it, wrapping a fist around him as Zayn sucks him slowly, languidly, as if he’s too cool for it. It’s dizzying and mind-melting and Liam isn’t sure he’s going to make it to the fingering part. He hears the snick of the lube bottle opening and his nerves spike again but he’s ready for it, he’s so ready.

“Gonna finger you now,” Zayn says after he gently he pulls off.

Zayn’s mouth is on him again as his finger prods around and then pushes past the rim of his hole. It’s a little awkward, a little tight, but it’s not bad. It feels a bit foreign but he can’t focus on it too much with Zayn’s lips still wrapped around him. With Zayn’s mouth on him he feels like he could handle anything.

It’s not until Zayn is pressing in deeper and experimentally moving his finger around that something is hit that causes Liam to actually see stars. He gasps and his head falls back to the couch, chest heaving as Zayn presses firmly on that spot.

“That’s your prostate, babe,” Zayn smirks.

“Keep going,” Liam grits out.

Zayn continues to suck, hitting Liam’s prostate constantly, so much so that Liam feels dangerously overstimulated, not knowing where to focus.

  
He belatedly realizes that Zayn is now pressing two fingers in him, crooking them in all the right places, causing Liam to squirm and moan. He’s reveling in it, in the heat of Zayn’s mouth and the pounding on his prostate.

“Can you take another finger, babe?”

“Yeah,” Liam groans. “Yes.”

Zayn licks his way up and down Liam’s dick as slowly pulls out his fingers and starts to press in again with three. It’s more uncomfortable this way, the stretch burning as Zayn works his fingers in and massages inside him as he seeks back out his prostate. He hits it just a second later with unbelievable accuracy and Liam doesn’t feel the burn so much anymore, barely feels it at all when Zayn takes him in his mouth again and sucks harder.

  
Honestly, he’s a God and Liam has no idea how he snagged him to come back down to earth.

He doesn’t know how much time passes, but Zayn’s constant pressure of his fingers and mouth becomes too much and he barely realizes when the tension in his belly snaps and he’s coming hotly into Zayn’s mouth. Zayn sucks him through it, keeps his fingers pressing against his prostate until he’s done coming. He gently pulls his fingers out and sucks at his head before pulling off entirely, face flushed and looking entirely too fucked out considering he’s the one who just made Liam come.

“That was,” Liam says breathlessly, not really sure how to finish that sentence. “You’re a God,” he settles on.

Zayn laughs so hard that tears pool at the corners of his eyes and he tucks his head into Liam’s thigh.

“Oh Liam,” he says, glancing up and smiling brightly. “Sometimes you say shit and it’s like… I don’t know,” he trails off. “I don’t think you realize how amazing you are.”

Liam shrugs, fingers moving to rub along Zayn’s hairline. “I don’t think I’m that amazing, to be honest.”

Zayn lifts himself up and crowds himself over Liam, arms braced over him. “You’re funny,” he starts listing off. “And you’re kind. And you’re brave. It takes some serious balls to do what you’re doing, you know.”

Liam shrugs again.

“No, seriously,” Zayn tells him, and his eyes are hyper-focused on Liam. “I don’t take this lightly, you know. That you trusted me enough to do this with you.”

“I couldn’t imagine doing it with anybody else,” Liam admits quietly, feeling shy all of a sudden. Before Zayn, he hadn’t given it any thought at all. Never met or knew anybody who he felt really _got_ him like that.

“I’m really happy you asked, Liam,” Zayn says on a breath, leaning down and brushing their lips together.

When they separate, Liam can’t help but smile. “Me too.”

They kiss again, no heat between them but after a few minutes Zayn’s hands start to wander back down to his waist and Liam feels his nails drag over his skin. They run down to his thigh, and back up again, leaving what Liam is sure will be little red marks along his side. When Zayn presses down on him, he realizes Zayn is hard. He feels guilty momentarily, realizing that Zayn had been so focused on making him come that he hadn’t gotten to. Liam drags his hand down between them to palm at his cock and Zayn’s mouth drops open, giving Liam room to slip his tongue in and drag it along the roof of Zayn’s mouth.

Zayn pulls back and breathes heavily. “You have no idea how close I am to coming right now,” he tells him, laughing at his own brutal honesty.

Liam keeps his palm on Zayn’s cock but lightens his touches. “We could… If you wanted, we could, like, try what you mentioned before?”

Zayn’s eyes are blown dark as Liam stares up at him. “Try what?”

“You fucking me,” he offers. “Or, um, me fucking you maybe?”

“You sure?” Zayn asks. “You just came a couple times.”

“Yeah,” Liam nods, kissing along Zayn’s chin. “I really wanna fuck you.”

Zayn lets out a groan that Liam is sure will be permanently planted in his mind for all time. “I don’t want to rush you.”

“You’re not,” Liam insists. Now that his mind has settled on it, he’s sure there’s nothing else he wants more right now than to be inside Zayn. “I promise.”

Zayn lifts up and stares down at him. “Are you sure?” he asks again.

Liam’s response is a “Yes” pressed to Zayn’s mouth in a kiss before he’s gently pushing him up so Liam can sit up. “But, the bedroom. The bed.”

Zayn nods and shoves up from the couch, helping Liam stand. Liam doesn’t let go of his hand as he leads Zayn back to his bedroom, silently thankful that there’s only a couple stray sweaters thrown haphazardly on his chair in the corner of the room and the bed itself is clear.

He’s guiding Zayn down to the bed when he remembers. “We forgot the lube,” he laughs. “Hold on.”

He goes back out to the living room and finds the bottle on the floor, half rolled under his coffee table. He’s so focused on getting back to the bedroom that it takes a moment for him to register that Zayn is lying back against his sheets, head on his pillow and a hand languidly stroking himself as he waits for Liam.

“That was a whole fifteen seconds,” he jokes as Liam joins him on the bed and replaces Zayn’s hand with his own.

“Having to wait fifteen seconds is truly a travesty mankind has never known,” Liam deadpans and then laughs when Zayn shoves at his shoulder.

“Alright, enough of that or I’m going to come before we get started,” Zayn says as he guides Liam’s hand away from his cock and further down. “How would you like to do this?”

Liam blanches for a second. “Oh, um, I’m not… I’m not sure…”

“It’s okay,” Zayn tells him, rubbing a hand down Liam’s arm. “Let’s start with prep. Do you want me to prep myself, or do you want to do it?”

“I want to do it,” Liam says without hesitation. After having Zayn’s fingers in him, he wants to experience it for himself.

“Okay,” Zayn nods. “Have you ever done it before? To yourself, or someone else?”

Liam shakes his head. “No, like, with girls it wasn’t so necessary, you know? And I’ve never tried it for myself.”

Zayn nods again. “Alright, so, do you remember how I started with one finger?” At Liam’s nod he continues. “So go as slow as you need to, yeah? I’m fine with whatever pace you want.”

“Okay,” Liam huffs a breath and feels a laugh stutter out at the same time. “I don’t know why I’m nervous.”

“It’s cause it’s new,” Zayn says gently. “Do you want to stop?”

“No, no,” Liam replies, “it’s a good nervous, you know? I want to do this it’s just… It feels a bit out of body.”

Zayn smiles. “Go at your own pace, Liam. I’m right here with you.”

It’s with that thought that Liam finally opens the bottle of lube and pours some onto his fingers. He gently rubs them together to warm it up a bit before he looks down and sees what he’s doing. Zayn pulls his legs up to expose his hole, his cock hard and resting against his belly. Liam doesn’t really realize it but he slowly rests a finger against Zayn’s hole and starts to rub the rim.

“That’s it,” Zayn encourages him. “Perfect. Now whenever you’re ready go ahead and push inside.”

Liam starts slow with the first finger, gently pressing in. The sensation is indescribable, like nothing he could have anticipated. Zayn is warm and hot around him and he relaxes to let Liam in deeper so he can press inside. He tries to mimic Zayn’s motions from earlier, seeking out his prostate, but he isn’t as successful.

Like Zayn can read his thoughts he says, “We have time, Liam. We’re prepping me, yeah? Just focus on that.”

Liam really, _really_ wants to make Zayn see stars like he did earlier but he knows he’s got to get Zayn ready, so he refocuses his efforts on stretching Zayn out. Before long, he pulls out to add a second finger. He moves this way and that, spreading them and rubbing along Zayn’s walls. Out of the corner of his eye he can see precome pooling on Zayn’s stomach, but Zayn keeps his hands off his cock. They’re fisted Liam’s sheets as he shifts his hips to help Liam change his angle.

When he adds a third finger, he hears Zayn hiss and he immediately stops. He looks up in alarm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Zayn tells him. “‘S just been a minute since I’ve bottomed.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“No,” Zayn answers, “no, keep going. I’m alright.”

Liam takes his time adding the third finger, giving Zayn time to adjust to the stretch. He tries to remember that his goal isn’t to make Zayn come like Zayn’s was earlier, that he’s opening him up. With his attention on that, he doesn’t even realize he’s brushed against a little bundle of nerves that has Zayn keening and reaching down to keep Liam’s hand still.

“ _There_ ,” he groans. “That’s it, right there.”

Zayn guides Liam’s hand to press down and and Liam feels it. He rubs against Zayn’s prostate in slow, even circles. Zayn’s mouth drops open and he moans, free hand reaching down to grip the base of his cock as he slowly grinds against Liam’s fingers.

“Shit,” he breathes out, “that’s perfect.”

Liam can’t help but stare at Zayn almost riding his hand, at how Zayn hasn’t taken his hand away from Liam’s as he keeps guiding his movements. He waits until Zayn’s hand slowly falls away before he moves his fingers away from his prostate to rub against his walls, only to return and massage his prostate again.

“I'm ready,” Zayn tells him after a minute of Liam doing this. “If you’re ready, I’m ready.”

This whole time Liam feels like his mind has kind of blanked out, his brain so focused on every bit of Zayn - his breathing and his chest rising and falling and the deep flush of his cock as he leaks precome and his lips bitten red - that he’d almost forgotten there was more to come. That he gets to actually _fuck_ him.

He slides his fingers out and wipes them on his comforter, feeling dirty and exhilarated at the same time. He climbs up the bed so he can look at Zayn’s face.

“Hi,” he says, smiling when Zayn grins up at him.

“Hi,” Zayn says back. “You gonna fuck me now?”

“I’d love nothing more,” Liam answers and he stretches his arm out to fumble around in his nightstand for a condom. He grips the foil and sits up, tearing it open and quickly sliding the condom over his dick.

“Next question,” Zayn breathes out a sigh, reminding Liam of just how hard Zayn is. “Position?”

Liam fumbles again. “What do you want to do?”

“What would make you more comfortable?” Zayn counters. “We can do it like this,” he says as he motions between them. “Or I can get on my front. Or I can ride you.”

Liam ponders his options, all of them sounding appealing in their own way. But he settles on, “Can we stay like this? I want to see your face. And I-” He cuts off, realizing a bit too late that what’s he about to say might sound wrong to Zayn.

“What” Zayn prods, eyes wide as Liam figures out how to word his thoughts.

“It’s like, a bit more what I’m used to, I guess,” Liam manages to stutter out. “With girls. Not that this is like that at all, it’s just that’s the way I always did it and I want to make sure it’s good for you and you’re comfortable and I don’t know if it’ll be good for you if we do it in a position I don’t know how to do.”

Zayn stays quiet throughout Liam’s little rant and waits until Liam breathes out a heavy breath before repeating, “Whatever is most comfortable for you, Li. If it’s like this, then we do this. There’s plenty of time to try out the others.”

Liam doesn’t let himself dwell on the implication of _that_ statement, that there will be more chances for him to fuck Zayn, and instead leans down at kisses him.

“Thank you,” he says.

“No need,” Zayn replies. “Now, you got the mechanics down, yeah?”

Liam laughs. “Yeah, I got them.”

“We go at your pace, okay?”

“Okay,” Liam agrees. He braces himself over Zayn on one arm and uses his other hand to grip his cock. He uses the bit of lube still on his fingers to coat himself before lining himself up at Zayn’s hole and slowly pushing past the rim.

He’s barely inside but the heat engulfing him makes him choke out a breath. Zayn is relaxed and lets him in, so there’s no resistance as Liam keeps pushing his cock inside Zayn until he’s buried. He feels Zayn’s fingers rubbing little circles into his shoulder blades as he stills and takes a second to breathe.

“Fuck,” he says, brain short circuiting at feeling _Zayn_ around him.

“I agree,” Zayn laughs, and then Liam laughs and then they’re giggling at each other as Zayn grips the back of Liam’s neck and pulls him down for a kiss. “Whenever you’re ready, babe.”

“Okay,” Liam says and he’s saying that a lot but he doesn’t really care because he’s pulling out a bit and then pushing back in.

He starts a slow rhythm of this, of pulling out and pushing back in, pulling out a bit further each time and pushing back in just a bit harder. Zayn keeps his legs pulled up and, like when Liam was fingering him, shifts his hips just so to help Liam get a better angle. Even though it’s his first time with a man, Liam already feels like he knows what to do more than he ever did before. He listens for the hitches in Zayn’s breath as he pushes inside him at different angles. Zayn’s little moans and broken “yes” and “so good” in his ear encourage him, make him feel like his body knows exactly what Zayn needs without him ever saying it.

“You feel so good, Z,” Liam groans, wishing he could say something a bit more eloquent but it’s the most important thing in his brain right now.

Zayn starts to grind down as Liam’s thrusts get faster, meeting him in the middle so they’re rocking together. Like before, it happens on accident - Liam thrusts just the right way and nails Zayn’s prostate dead on.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Zayn shouts, throwing his head back. “Fuck, right there, babe.”

Liam thrusts at that angle again and is met with another cry from Zayn. He grinds in at that angle, keeping the pressure on his prostate as Zayn grinds back against him to keep him there. Liam thinks he might be moaning too, but the pressure in his ears keeps him from really focusing on anything other than Zayn squeezing around his cock and the breaths punched from his chest as Liam is relentless against his prostate.

“I’m close, babe,” Zayn groans, slowly down his own hips. Liam slows his own thrusts until they’re just barely rocking together.

“Do you wanna come?” Liam asks, leaning down to kiss at Zayn’s chest and lick over the sheen of sweat on his skin.

“Want you to come first,” Zayn answers. “Come inside me.”

Liam moans and drops his forehead to Zayn’s chest, keeping his thrusts measured as Zayn reaches down and grips his bum, squeezing the flesh between his fingers and guiding him.

“Come on, Li,” Zayn encourages him. “Come for me.”

Liam speeds up his thrusts again and leans up to kiss Zayn. He still tries to aim for his prostate but he thinks he only gets it every other time or so. Zayn doesn’t seem to care, he’s back to meeting Liam’s thrusts and groaning in his ear, voice gruff and fucked out and it’s _so fucking hot_ Liam can’t believe he’s waited his whole life for this.

His orgasm slams into him suddenly when Zayn squeezes around him and bites at his neck. He thrusts once more and comes, burying his shout in Zayn’s neck as he comes into the condom. He feels Zayn kissing the top of his head and rubbing at his scalp like he did earlier, mumbling soft praise as Liam feels himself start to come down.

He lifts his head to see Zayn’s face, his eyes wide and a soft smile on his face as Liam comes back to himself.

“Fuck,” is all Liam seems capable of saying and that just makes Zayn smile wider.

“How was that?” Zayn asks quietly.

“That was the most perfect thing,” Liam tells him, kissing him. He’s still inside Zayn and feels Zayn’s hard cock pressing into his stomach.

“I’m glad.” Zayn uses his fingertips to brush along Liam’s cheekbones, guiding a smile of Liam’s own to form on his lips.

“You’re perfect,” Liam adds on.

Zayn rolls his eyes. “So many compliments.”

“Well it's true,” Liam tells him. He slowly guides his softening dick out of Zayn and he immediately misses the warmth but he doesn’t want to hurt him. He pulls off the condom and ties it off, dropping it over the side of his bed to be dealt with later.

He rejoins Zayn at the top of the bed and kisses him, his hand already snaking down to grip Zayn’s cock. A second later Zayn’s own hand joins his and they stroke it together, moving up and down together, the glide eased by the wetness that is still leaking from Zayn’s tip.

Liam follows Zayn’s lead when his pace picks up and he starts stroking faster. He bites at Zayn’s lips and suddenly it’s over, Zayn’s hips jerk and Liam feels him come over their hands.

Zayn breathes heavily as he finishes coming and his head drops back to the pillow in an undignified collapse. Liam looks down between them and sees Zayn’s come on his hands and Zayn’s belly and he doesn’t know why but it’s fascinating to him. He can’t help but rub his fingers over Zayn’s stomach where it’s pooled a bit. If Zayn thinks it’s gross, he doesn’t comment on it.

They breathe each other in for a moment, not making eye contact until Zayn gently guides Liam back to look at him.

“Are you alright, babe?” he asks him, eyes soft and concerned.

“Better than,” Liam tells him, leaning down for a kiss. “That was unbelievable.”

“Yeah?” Zayn grins.

“Yeah,” Liam says. “It’s never been like that for me before.”

He thinks in the midst of all this, of the incredible sex and Zayn being with him that maybe they've kind of gotten lost in why they started all this. Zayn's eyes zero in on him like they have all night and he looks serious again as he says quietly, “And you’re happy with it?”

In lieu of answering, Liam kisses him again. Zayn opens up under him and it’s all tongue and soft, chapped lips and heat that isn’t building towards anything at all, just them staying connected.

When Liam finally pulls back again he answers, “I’ve never been happier.”

\---

They drift off. They must, because Liam is suddenly blinking at the clock on his nightstand and its green numbers are saying it’s 9:12 when the last time he saw it it said 8:53. The reason for his stirring is evident with the grumble that he feels in his stomach.

“Me too,” Zayn says from behind him and _oh_ that’s Zayn’s arm draped over his waist and his chin tucked into the back of Liam’s neck.

“All we had were those appetizers at the pub,” Liam says, laughing when Zayn’s own stomach lets out an unflattering rumble of its own. He can sort of feel the vibration in his back.

“I know,” Zayn sighs. “And we did just have some significant physical exertion.”

Liam rolls over so he’s facing Zayn. Zayn lets him and drapes his arm back over his waist when Liam is settled again. “If only all workouts were that fun.”

Zayn grins, “Well we could get inventive. Like those porn videos that take place at gyms and shit.”

Liam laughs. “Are you suggesting we fuck on a yoga mat or something?”

Zayn shrugs and smiles a wicked smile. “It wouldn’t be my first time.”

Liam’s eyes bug out and Zayn bursts out laughing. “I’m kidding, Li.”

Liam shoves at Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn grabs his hand, linking their fingers together and holding tight, bringing their hands down between them.

“Food?” Zayn asks, abruptly changing the subject back to the matter at hand.

“Yeah,” Liam nods. “What do you feel like?”

“Carbs,” Zayn replies immediately.

“Pizza?” Liam offers. “There’s a place not too far from here that’s really good. The crust tastes like garlic bread.”

“Fuck yes,” Zayn agrees easily. “Let’s do that.”

“Do you want toppings or anything?”

“Nah, only if you do. I’m good with whatever you want.”

“Would you think it’s really boring if I said I just want cheese?”

Zayn laughs. “No.”

“Alright,” Liam grins, “just let me get my phone so I can order.” He goes to sit up but Zayn grabs him around the neck and pulls him in for a kiss, releasing him just as quickly.

Liam’s breathless and surprised in a good way and it’s just made better when Zayn says, “For good measure.”

Liam knows he’s smiling like a complete idiot when he stands and goes to the living room to retrieve his phone from God knows where it ended up but he doesn’t care. He’s going to ride this happy wave for as long as he can, damn it.

There are a few missed texts from Louis asking how his sort of date with Zayn went but he doesn’t reply. He’ll save that conversation for later. Instead, he makes quick work of calling up the pizza place and placing their order. He’s told twenty five minutes for delivery and hangs up.

When he gets back to his room, Zayn is exactly where he left him. His eyes are closed but Liam can tell he’s not sleeping. He climbs back onto the bed next to him but doesn’t lay down, choosing instead to run his hand over Zayn’s bare waist and up his side, gentle touches along his smattering of tattoos.

“That kind of tickles,” Zayn tells him, blinking his eyes open and smiling.

“You’re ticklish?” Liam asks.

“A bit,” Zayn answers, “but don’t tell Louis. That’s the kind of shit he saves for vendettas.”

Liam laughs. “Believe me, I know.”

Zayn rolls to his back and stretches his arms over his head. He’s still completely naked and Liam can’t stop looking at him, his thighs and smooth skin and the dark trail of hair that runs down to his dick. Zayn doesn’t seem to mind being observed because his eyes shut again and he lets out an easy sigh.

Liam never thought in a million years he’d one day have a man in his bed, completely naked and gorgeous and relaxed after several rounds of amazing sex where Liam actually _came_.

That part still floors him a little.

“We’ve got a bit of time before the pizza comes,” Liam says softly, reaching a hand out to rest on Zayn’s stomach. “Do you want to shower?”

“Probably should,” Zayn replies, eyes opening again and letting out a long-suffering sigh. “Though your bed is really fucking comfortable and I kind of don’t want to get up.”

Liam grins. “What about showering with me?”

“I’ll get up for that,” Zayn answers. Then he laughs. “No pun intended.”

Liam laughs too but grabs at Zayn’s hand. “C’mon. I’ve got this really nice body wash that Louis said smells like a cinnamon bun.”

“Alright,” Zayn agrees and allows Liam to pull him up.

Liam’s shower is a bit of tight fit with both of them, but it means he has to stay pressed close to Zayn so right now he doesn’t mind. He’s not sure if it’s because they’re tired or hungry or maybe a mix of both but there’s nothing really sexual about showering together. Zayn washes them both down with his hands and Liam might kiss at Zayn’s neck a few times but really it’s just...calm. It feels domestic in a way that Liam would never have thought. He rubs a bit of shampoo from Zayn’s ear when he spots some stray suds and Zayn definitely runs his hands through Liam’s buzzed hair just because he can but then they’re turning off the water and Liam is grabbing a fluffy towel for Zayn to dry off and Zayn gives him a kiss before they step out of the shower.

Liam manages to find another pair of joggers for Zayn to wear, this pair a bit longer than the last so they pool around his feet in a sight that is so fucking adorable Liam can’t even handle it. He also finds a t-shirt he loves, the cotton worn in and soft. They’ve only been back on his couch for a couple of minutes before the buzzer for Liam’s flat is going off and Liam has to heave himself up to retrieve the pizza.

He doesn’t bother with plates, just grabs some napkins from his kitchen and sets them down on his coffee table. Zayn’s eyes light up when he sees the pizza.

“Oh my God, are those garlic cloves on the crust?” he asks, not waiting for an answer before he reaches for a slice.

Liam hums in response. “Yup.”

“How have I lived without this?” Zayn asks and takes a bite. He lets out a moan that honestly sounds like when Liam was fucking him earlier and it makes him a little turned on (and a little jealous that apparently really good pizza has about the same effect on Zayn that Liam does).

“Do you want anything to drink?” Liam asks after he’s taken a bite of his own pizza.

“Water, please,” Zayn says, already halfway through his slice.

Liam grabs two bottles of water from his fridge and sits back down. Once he’s comfortable, he digs in himself and realizes he’s hungrier than he thought. He unmutes his TV and finds another movie to start up on Netflix while they keep eating. They make quick work of the pizza, only two slices remaining in the box by the time they collapse against the back of the couch, sated and sleepy.

“That was so good,” Zayn tells him, rolling his head to the side to look at Liam. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Liam says and then yawns in spite of himself. “I think that did me in. I’m about to enter a food coma.”

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees. He glances around the flat. “Um, I know we didn’t really talk about this past tonight but do you… Do you want me to stay?”

The thought of Zayn leaving hadn’t even crossed Liam’s mind. “Of course,” he tells him. “I mean, unless you want to go. I don’t know if you have somewhere to be tomorrow or…”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s not that. I just don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“You could never overstay your welcome,” Liam insists, figuring now isn’t the time to waffle on what he wants. “I want you to stay.”

“Okay,” Zayn says, smiling softly. “Good. ‘Cause I want to stay too.”

“Good,” Liam echoes. “Do you want to get ready for bed? And get back in my comfortable bed?” He says the last part barely stopping himself from laughing.

“Yeah,” Zayn says, smirking at Liam like he knows Liam was teasing him but is going to let him get away with it.

Liam shuts off his TV and grabs the pizza box. He shoves the whole thing in his fridge even though there are only two slices left, too lazy to wrap them up properly.

Zayn waits for him at the door to his bedroom and Liam gently guides him in. He glances at his mussed covers, wondering if they should change the comforter at least but finding the whole idea too taxing.

“I’ll grab you a toothbrush,” Liam tells him. “Do you, uh, have something else you want to sleep in or…?”

Zayn shrugs. “I usually sleep in boxers or naked,” he says. “Unless it’s cold out.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Liam says back. “I, uh, sleep naked too so if that’s not weird for you…”

Zayn shakes his head.

“Okay,” Liam says, “let me go grab your toothbrush.”

“Thanks.”

Liam finds an unopened toothbrush under his sink and rips open the package, resting it on his counter. He brushes his own teeth quickly and keeps the toothpaste out for Zayn. He goes back into his bedroom and finds Zayn hovering at his bulletin board. At hearing Liam come back, Zayn turns around.

“Good?” he asks.

Liam nods. “Yeah. Toothbrush is next to the sink.”

“Thanks babe,” Zayn says and steps past him, brushing his lips against Liam’s neck.

Liam doesn’t get undressed right away, instead turning to look at his bulletin board himself. Truth is he kind of forgets what’s on it. There’s a picture of him with his family, and a picture of him next to Liam and Harry at a football match from just after they graduated from uni. There are a few ticket stubs from going to see Batman at the movies. There’s also a dreamcatcher that his mum got him when she took a retreat to Arizona a few years ago.

Zayn’s back a minute later and tucks his chin over Liam’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist and staring at the bulletin board again. “Is that your family?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Liam answers. “My parents and my sisters.”

“Ruth and Nicola,” Zayn says, remembering their names from when Liam told him earlier.

Liam smiles and nods. “My mum got me that dreamcatcher. Says it’s ‘cause she wants me to have sweet dreams every night even when she isn’t there to tuck me in.”

“That’s really sweet,” Zayn says.

Liam turns around and Zayn keeps his arms secure around Liam’s waist. Liam leans in and kisses him, humming happily at tasting his toothpaste on Zayn’s lips. He pulls back gently and bumps their foreheads together. “Bed?”

“Yeah,” Zayn says and steps back.

Liam sort of expects what’s going to happen next to be awkward, but just like everything else that’s happened this evening with Zayn it just… Isn’t. It’s easy. They both pull their shirts off and toss them onto Liam’s chair. Zayn pulls Liam’s joggers and borrowed pair of boxers off in one swoop and drops them onto the chair as well. Liam is pulling off his own as Zayn climbs back onto his bed and resumes his spot from earlier. Liam shuts off his lamp and lets his eyes adjust to the darkness before he climbs up after Zayn and lays down facing him, so it’s like they never got up at all.

“How are you feeling?” Zayn asks, eyes blinking as his eyes adjust.

Liam isn’t really sure how to answer that, brain a mess of words and feelings that he can’t quite name yet. “Good,” is what he settles on. “Really, really good.”

“You want to talk about it?” Zayn asks, echoing his sentiment from earlier in the evening.

And just like earlier in the evening, Liam says, “Not yet.”

Zayn accepts that easily and nuzzles his head further into Liam’s pillow. “Alright.’

Liam shuts his eyes and rests his hand on Zayn’s waist, rubbing little circles into his skin and feeling over where he knows Zayn has a few freckles.

“G’night, Li,” Zayn says, voice groggy and sleep-soft.

Liam’s eyes drift shut of their own accord and the last thing he remembers before drifting off is him saying back, “Night, love.”

\---

Liam blinks his eyes open slowly.

There’s an arm slung around his waist, legs wrapped around his own, and something very, _hard_ , pressed into his bum.

Huffs of breath tickle his neck, pulling him a little tighter, as if knowing that he just woke up.

Liam blinks again.

He could get up and pee, like he really needs to, or he could enjoy a few more minutes with a beautiful boy in his bed.

A boy, a _Zayn_ , in his bed. Liam honestly can’t believe this is his life.

He snuggles into the bed a little deeper and there’s a little hum of content from behind him. Liam can’t help himself, he turns around in Zayn’s arms, finding him still fast asleep, long eyelashes flickering just a bit.

Liam stares for a few moments, just in complete awe. He feels overwhelmed for some reason he can’t quite pinpoint.

Not yet, at least.

Zayn opens his eyes slowly.

“What are you staring at?” he asks sleepily, accent thick and eyes shutting again, but his hand splays across Liam’s back.

“You,” Liam whispers before he can help it, light still soft from the window and his stomach fluttering pleasantly.

A pleased look crosses Zayn’s features, just barely, in the sleepy stillness of his face.

“Five more minutes,” he mumbles.

Liam laughs, making Zayn swat at him.

He climbs out of the bed easily, figuring he can go and make at least something for breakfast.  Zayn whines a little as he leaves the bed, but Liam puts the covers back up and Zayn cuddles in anyway.

Liam puts on a pair of joggers before heading to the bathroom, setting up the toothpaste and cloth for him, along with spare pants and joggers.

He makes his way to the kitchen, starting some coffee and tea, before making eggs and toast. He even throws in a little fruit just for good measure.

Zayn must smell it because he appears in the hall a few moments later, Liam’s pants too low on his hips, bare chest, and still rubbing sleep from his eyes. His hair is all over the place, but Liam would never tell.

Liam’s breath catches, he thinks. Zayn smiles. Liam sets the table with all the food as Zayn moves around him to get some coffee.

It’s all a little domestic.

The way they bump hips and Zayn is clearly grumpy, unwilling to say a word but still with a sparkle in his eye.

Liam has to sit down.

Zayn continues to stare groggily at the coffee machine before pouring a hot mug for himself and Liam just… Liam just stares.

He stares at the boy, the man, in front of him, who is making himself home in his kitchen, who he had actual real life sex with the night before and-

Liam who has never once taken more than 10 seconds to think about his sexuality just...watches.

Because for a second, with the light streaming through the window, and Liam’s joggers on Zayn, it all slides into place.

Everything kind of makes sense for him.

It seems clear, crystal even, like the light is shining on the room and he had never really paid attention as to just how bright it was.

How beautiful it was.

“How did you know?” Liam asks suddenly, feeling his fingers start to drum nervously against the top of his table.

Zayn turns around, still a little sleep ridden, confusion on his face. “How did I know what?”

Liam’s heart thumps loudly. “How did you know you liked boys?”

Zayn’s face softens. “How did I know I was bisexual you mean?”

Liam blinks. “Is that your label?”

God, Liam can’t believe he’s actually having this conversation.

Zayn steps forward. “It is.”

Liam nods. “How did you know you were bi then?”

Zayn takes another step towards him. “I noticed boys when I was about 11, but the thing was I also noticed girls. I don’t know. I didn’t really think about it at first. Just kind of kept it to myself, you know?” Zayn shrugs. “I was shy, didn’t really date or anything until uni, and I just, liked who I liked. Boy or girl. Still do.”

Liam’s mind races for a moment.

“I think,” Liam takes a deep breath. Zayn’s hand rests on his shoulder, and he pulls out the chair across from him.

“I think that something changed,” Liam runs a hand through his shaved head. “Or not even that something changed,” he rambles, “but like something I never paid attention to, maybe even just turned off just... Woke up.”

He thinks of the American kid in uni, the way he idolized David Beckham (or any handsome footballer, really) the way he would blush like mad at any innuendo Harry and Louis made.

“When did it wake up?”

Liam meets Zayn’s gaze. “When I met you.”

Zayn visibly swallows.

“And I’m sorry if that’s a lot, and I’m sorry that this was literally just Louis’ experiment to see if it was different with a boy or not, and really I don’t think I’m at the point with labels because it’s been not even 24 hours,” Liam says a little hysterically, and he thinks vaguely he might be choking up a bit. “But something changed, and I liked it. I like it a lot, and I want to keep going.”

Zayn’s hand trails down his arm and gently clasps his hand.

There’s a ghost of a smirk on his face. “Are you saying you fancy me, Liam?”

Liam has no choice but to let out slightly wet laugh. “I’m saying I fancy you, Zayn. And I’m saying that I don’t think that I’m straight, and maybe I’ve always known that.”

“What makes you say that?” Zayn asks a little curiously.

“I don’t know, maybe my willingness to do everything with you with no experience,” Liam huffs out a little laugh of disbelief. He really did that, he really had sex with Zayn, when he had never come with a partner in his life. No questions asked. “Maybe it’s small things that I’ve noticed before, like maybe that unclassified adoration I had or really intense friendship I had with boys in the past were actually crushes. I don’t know,” Liam shakes his head. “I don’t know, and I don’t think I’ll know by the end of today or even the end of this week. I just,” Liam smiles. “I want to figure it out.”

Zayn leans in and kisses his forehead. “I think that’s amazing, Liam.”

Liam cocks his head to the side. “That’s it?”

Zayn laughs a little, eyes crinkling. “Are you really testing me, Liam? In front of all this food?”

Liam shrugs, a sly smile on his face. “Maybe.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “I might fancy you, too.”

Liam’s sly smile breaks into a full-blown one at that. “Yeah?” he asks and can’t help the incredulity he hears in his voice.

“Yeah,” Zayn confirms, “I might.”

“That’s… Wow.” Liam lets out a little huff of a laugh.

Zayn is grinning at him but he also has a thoughtful look on his face. He rubs a hand along Liam’s bicep. “What’s going on in that brain of yours?”

Liam shrugs, laughing again because he doesn’t really know what else to do. He’s happy, _really really_ happy at hearing Zayn say that he feels the same, and he’s excited but also nervous because this isn’t just experimenting anymore. It feels big.

“I feel like… This feels like a big deal.”

“It is a big deal,” Zayn replies, squeezing Liam’s arm in reassurance.

“I guess I just don’t know what to do now,” Liam says slowly, trying to put it in words. “Last night was amazing and… Is it totally lame if I say life changing?”

Zayn laughs, lips curling up over his teeth in an adorable smile that Liam wants to kiss. “No, it isn’t.”

“So like last night really changed things for me, yeah? But I didn’t really think about the aftermath. I didn’t even think about the morning after.”

Liam’s a bit worried Zayn might be offended by that but Zayn just nods in understanding. “I get it.”

“The whole thing is really new for me but I also know that I… I really like how you make me feel and I want to keep that.”

Zayn smiles. “Me too.”

“So what… What do we do?”

Zayn leans forward and presses a kiss to Liam’s jaw. “We eat this amazing food you put together,” he says simply, punctuated by another kiss. “And we keep talking, yeah?”

“Okay,” Liam agrees, accepting the kiss that Zayn presses to his lips. “We keep talking.”

“I don’t want to rush you, Li,” Zayn says. “We have time.”

The words are echoed from the night before when Liam had been prepping him. They seem to be a running theme with them. _Time_. They have time.

“Okay,” Liam says again, smiling. “We have time.”

They dig in after that, Zayn immediately grabbing for a piece of toast and piling on some eggs. Zayn redirects the subject away from anything serious and asks Liam about work. It feels entirely normal, is the thing, like them sitting at his table eating breakfast together is a completely common occurrence and his entire world wasn’t just uprooted.

But it feels good. He likes making Zayn laugh as he does an impression of a guy he works with, Ben, who is a total prat but somehow manages to turn on the charm in front of the bosses who think the sun shines out of his arse. He and Zayn pick at the fruit as Zayn tells Liam about his newest obsession with honey almond cream cheese he found by accident at the store and has been putting on everything he can think of.

“I don’t even _like_ cream cheese, Leeyum,” Zayn says seriously when Liam busts out laughing when Zayn tells him he even looked up a coupon to buy more. “But this stuff is amazing, it goes on everything. Fruit. Bagels. Muffins.”

“I think I have to try it now,” Liam says. “You’ve convinced me.”

“I’ll bring you some,” Zayn says easily and Liam doesn’t dwell on the _next time_ of that statement.

He doesn’t let Zayn help him clean up, just scrapes the food leftovers into the bin and puts all the dishes in his dishwasher that only kind of works to be dealt with later.

Rather than head to the couch, they return to Liam’s rumpled bed. The reality of the night before slam into Liam like a truck and his vision swims with memories of them together - fucking Zayn, curling into him afterwards and dozing together, sleeping next to him completely naked and falling asleep wrapped around each other.

If Zayn realizes Liam is having a moment, he doesn’t mention it. He makes himself comfortable by grabbing a book from Liam’s dresser and plopping on top of the bed. Liam joins him and giggles when he sees the book that Zayn pulled.

“ _Modern Romance_ ,” Zayn reads from the cover. He flips it over and recites from the back, “‘A hilarious, often unsettling account of what young singles go through as they search for love in the digital age.’”

“Bit ironic that’s the book you’d pick,” Liam laughs when Zayn flips through the book, landing on a random page at the front of the book.

“Why is the word donut on this page like seven times?” Zayn asks.

“He talks about this guy Alfredo at a retirement home who said he’d talk to them about his experiences with dating as a young guy only he never did, he just made off with the donuts they brought for the residents.”

For some reason, Zayn finds that hilarious. “Why do you have this book?”

“Harry told me it was really funny,” he says. “I listened to the audiobook first because he said that’s what really made it. But I was curious about the actual data so I got the book for the charts he mentions. You can’t hear the charts, so…”

Zayn shuts the book and puts it on Liam’s nightstand, rolling over so they’re face to face. “You can’t hear the charts,” he repeats, grinning.

“Fuck off,” Liam laughs, giving Zayn’s shoulder a light shove. Any mock-seriousness is gone in an instant, though, because Zayn leans in and kisses him.

Liam melts into it, feeling his cheeks heat up as Zayn grips the back of his neck and tugs him closer until Zayn is on his back and Liam is half on top of him, kissing him back into the bed.

It’s a true testament to just how new all this is for Liam because he feels himself getting hard almost instantly, the heat from Zayn’s mouth and fingers scraping along his head making his head fuzzy and all blood rush south.

He pulls back a little bit to kiss along Zayn’s neck and jaw, giving himself a second to breathe. He feels Zayn’s heart pounding under him so he knows he isn’t alone in this, at least. He kisses his way back up to Zayn’s lips before pulling back entirely.

“If we keep going like this I’m not going to be able to control myself,” he says, chuckling at his own blunt honesty.

Any and all coherence he had flies right out the window when before he knows it, Zayn has flipped their positions and Liam is flat on his back staring up at Zayn.

“I don’t want you to control yourself,” Zayn says on a low voice, leaning down to bite at Liam’s ear. His breath tickles when he whispers, “I want you to lose it.”

Liam moans before he can help it, rearing up to pull Zayn back down to kiss him. Zayn straddles his hips, grinding down against Liam’s cock and licking into his mouth. Zayn kisses him breathless and Liam doesn’t know what to focus on, Zayn’s lips or the friction against his cock or Zayn’s hand that has snuck under his shirt and is running along his abs and nipples.

Zayn peppers Liam’s jaw with feather light kisses, ghosting along his skin so maddeningly Liam can barely feel it. His cock is straining inside his joggers and he can feel Zayn’s pressing into his stomach.

It sounds like Zayn is speaking through a tunnel when the words register in Liam’s head. “Can I fuck you, babe?”

“Fuck _yes_ ,” Liam groans, pulling Zayn back into a kiss so he’s more squarely on top of him. It’s not even a question, now that this is the direction they’re clearly heading in.

Liam’s thankful he never bothered to give Zayn a shirt because he can rub his hands along his ribs, fingers catching on the muscles as they shift underneath Zayn’s skin as he moves on top of him. He’s equally thankful he didn’t put on a shirt himself because Zayn is rolling a nipple between his fingers and Liam never really thought much of nipple play but _fuck_ if he isn’t on board now.

Zayn doesn’t spend much time teasing him. He’s already tugging on Liam’s joggers so they pool just below his hips. Liam raises up so Zayn can pull them the rest of the way off and then Liam is completely naked again. He pushes at the joggers on Zayn because any second he’s clothed is a second wasted. Zayn grins at him as he sits up and pulls them the rest of the way off himself. He’s pleased to see Zayn didn’t bother with the pants Liam also laid out for him.

Zayn nips at the base of Liam’s neck where it meets his shoulder, tongue lapping at the skin where his teeth have bitten it read. “I’m gonna ask you like I did last night.” His voice vibrates against Liam’s bones. “Position?”

Once again, Liam is left floundering a little bit. “Oh, uh… What… What do you want to do?”

“Whatever makes you most comfortable.”

Liam feels a bit mesmerized by the whole thing, that Zayn doesn’t push him to decide or pressure him, just lets him work through it in his own way.

“I don’t know,” Liam admits honestly. “I liked how we did it last night…”

“We can do that,” Zayn says easily. “We’ve got time, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Liam nods.

Zayn pauses his assault on Liam’s neck to lift up and look him in the eyes. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you like that position, do you think?”

Liam is momentarily taken aback. “Why, is that weird?”

“No, no,” Zayn shakes his head and kisses Liam once in reassurance. “Not a bit. I’m just curious.”

Liam doesn’t really know how to respond aside from, “I like seeing you. It feels closer somehow.”

Zayn’s smile absolutely _melts_ and Liam isn’t sure how he ever saw Zayn as just effortlessly cool and aloof because right now he looks so _young_ and happy and it steals Liam’s breath.

“I’m glad,” Zayn finally settles on. And just like that the conversation is over because he returns to sucking at the bruise he’d started on Liam’s neck before slowly making his way down his chest and stomach to trail along his thighs. He deliberately ignores Liam’s cock which is still _very_ hard. “Do you have the lube up there?”

Liam glances to his nightstand where the bottle is resting unobtrusively next to his lamp. He grabs it and hands it down to Zayn. Before he can get too comfortable he digs back into his drawer for another condom and hands that down as well.

“Thanks babe,” Zayn says as he opens the bottle of lube and pours some onto his fingers. “Tell me if you want me to stop, yeah? This might feel a little different than last night.”

“Okay,” Liam agrees and tries to relax as he feels Zayn prod with his first finger.

Zayn stretches him with one finger, then two, but the third makes him tense a bit. Zayn sucks at the head of his cock as he slowly stretches him open. It does hurt in a way that Liam wasn’t prepared for. Zayn has avoided his prostate so far and maybe that’s why. He doesn’t want to spend too much time on this though, he’s already getting impatient and he feels himself rocking down on Zayn’s fingers.

“I’m ready,” he tells him.

“You sure?” Zayn asks.

“Yeah,” Liam tells him. “I’m good. I’ll be okay.”

Zayn doesn’t argue, just pulls his fingers out and reaches for the condom. He quickly pulls it on and quickly coats it with more lube before climbing up the bed and leaning down over Liam.

“Hey babe,” he greets, smiling down at him and kissing Liam’s jaw.

“Hi,” Liam greets back.

“Tell me if it’s too much, okay?” Zayn asks, giving him a proper kiss as he reaches down and lines himself up.

Liam just nods as he feels Zayn begin to push in. The stretch is _a lot_ and he feels himself hiss at the breach. Zayn immediately pauses and kisses him again. He’s barely inside but it already feels like _so much_.

“This is different,” Liam comments on a hushed laugh, eyes shut at the pressure he feels.

“I’m not sure if it’s a good thing you’re laughing,” Zayn tells him, though he seems a bit amused. “Do you want to stop?”

“No,” Liam says and opens his eyes. He looks up at Zayn so he knows he’s being honest. “I’m alright, it’s just a lot. Can you just go slow?”

“‘Course,” Zayn replies.

Liam does his best to relax fully and it helps. Zayn starts to push in little by little. He kisses Liam’s jaw, his cheeks, his forehead every time he hears the hitch in Liam’s breath as he pushes inside. By the time he’s fully inside, Liam is breathing heavily and his head is thrown back into the pillow.

“You okay?” Zayn asks, running a finger down Liam’s cheek.

“I’m okay,” Liam confirms. He shifts his hips a bit and he can’t get over how full he feels. He feels the burn and the stretch but somehow he doesn’t mind it now that Zayn is fully inside him. He bends his legs back to shift the angle a bit and he settles more comfortably into the bed. “You can move.”

“Slow?” Zayn asks.

“Yes, please,” Liam replies, “at least for a bit.”

“Okay,” Zayn tells him and slowly pulls out just a bit before thrusting back in. He does this a few times before pulling out a bit further and repeating it. Each time, Liam feels the stretch subside until all he feels is an amazing pressure inside him as Zayn thrusts. Eventually, Zayn pulls almost all the way out and thrusts back in and Liam’s breath catches because _fuck_ that feels _incredible_.

“Still with me?” Zayn asks and Liam glances up to see him grinning at him.

“I’m with you,” Liam agrees and tugs Zayn down by the back of his neck to kiss him, biting at his lip because Zayn is clearly a smartass.

Liam shifts his hips again just as Zayn angles his thrust differently and this time, he hits his prostate dead on. Liam barely recognizes the shout he gives when he feels it, so overwhelmed at it that he isn’t prepared for when Zayn does it again.

Zayn keeps at it, each thrust against Liam’s prostate working him up even more until Liam can’t differentiate the words spilling out of his mouth, a mix of _Zayn_ and _yes_ and _so good_ rolling together. His heart is pounding and he feels sweat pooling along his forehead. Zayn looks absolutely sinful above him, his eyes blown dark and his cheeks flushed as he keeps at it. Liam reaches around him to grip at his waist. His fingers dig in as he urges Zayn to fuck him _harder_ and _faster_.

He feels his orgasm building and he can’t believe he gets to do this, that he’s gotten to have Zayn like this. His brain can't focus on any one thought and it seems like Zayn is in a similar state as his thrusts begin to get a little more erratic as he fucks him.

“Are you close, babe?” Zayn mutters as he leans down to press their foreheads together.

“Yeah,” Liam tells him.

Zayn reaches between them to grip Liam’s cock and he starts to stroke it. It’s not fully in time with his thrusts but the feel of Zayn’s long fingers wrapped around him makes Liam’s brain short circuit. He doesn’t know what’s more intense, Zayn's fingers around him or his cock pressing into him but it ends up not mattering because before he can call out a warning, his orgasm slams into him and he’s coming with a shout into Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn isn’t far behind - just a few seconds later his hips still and his voice breaks as he moans out, “ _Liam_.”

Liam tries to catch his breath as he runs his hand along the side of Zayn’s face, feeling him shake under his fingers as he comes down. It’s like he knows exactly what Liam needs because he’s leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Liam’s lips, resting fingertips against Liam’s cheeks to steady them together.

Zayn pulls out and quickly tugs off the condom, tying it off and dropping it over the side of the bed in what Liam assumes is just going to be a running theme with them. He’s back over Liam in an instant though, eyes still dark but wide and searching as he looks over Liam’s face.

“Are you okay?”

Liam doesn’t think _okay_ is really an appropriate word here but he’s also kind of lost for words at the moment so he just smiles. “Better than.”

Zayn smiles too and presses his fingers into the crinkles that Liam knows are behind his eyes. “Good.”

“Are you okay?” Liam asks back because he thinks it’s important that it’s not just Zayn checking in with him.

“Better than,” Zayn repeats and smiles wider when Liam laughs.

“Thank you,” Liam tells him. Zayn starts to brush him off but Liam won’t have it. “No, babe, listen. Thank you. For this and for last night and for… For everything. You made me feel safe and like, you _listened_ and you understood and you were with the me whole time.”

“Li…”

“Just, thank you, yeah?” Liam says again. “I mean it.”

Zayn doesn’t say anything back but Liam gets it anyway with Zayn’s next kiss.

\---

Zayn spends the rest of the day with Liam. They order more takeaway after deciding one last slice of leftover pizza isn’t going to cut it. They strip Liam’s bed and wash the sheets. They settle onto the couch and half-watch a marathon of The Inbetweeners, going back and forth deciding which of the four boys their friends are.

It’s early evening by the time Zayn leaves Liam’s flat in the freshly washed clothes he’d worn to their sort-of date the night before and God, has it really only been one day? Zayn departs with a kiss and a promise to text Liam when he gets home.

When Liam is alone again, he thinks it’s finally time to return to reality. Namely, the six missed texts from Louis.

_Leeyum!!!_

_Are you ignoring me because it was good or because it was bad???_

_LIAM ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE_

_Did you guys have sex?_

_Do you hate each other now?_

_I’M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I SEE YOU NEXT AND H IS GOING TO HELP_

Liam laughs at each of them in turn and takes a moment to decide on what he wants to say.

Eventually he settles on:

_Domestic house cats will eat their owners if they die in the home._

Louis calls him less than a minute later.

\---

Louis Tomlinson is not caught off guard normally.

He can count on his right hand the number of times he’s been thrown for a loop.

Liam not giving him any information after his night with Zayn and then casually not mentioning anything else or bringing it up again made him think for sure his plan went wrong.

Hell, he complained about it to Harry more than once.

They hatched another (“half-brained” as Harry called it) plan together to get Liam and Zayn in the same room just so Louis could read the situation a little better.

Maybe they had been too shy to do anything. Maybe they fucked and Liam hated it. Maybe Liam was completely straight and he had misinterpreted some things.

Liam was his best friend, though, and he cared and wanted to make sure he was being taken care of the way he deserved.

(Which definitely made Harry get a little misty eyed when Louis told him that.)

That was why he was so shocked when Liam had told him what he had two months ago. That was shocking moment number 3 in his entire life.

But this - this is event number 4 that has thrown him for a loop. At the sight, he grabs Harry’s hand in disbelief and feels Harry's fingers squeeze back.

He organized a lad’s night with full intentions of getting Liam and Zayn back into the same room.

He didn’t expect Liam to come, especially considering his usual dismissal of all things lad’s night.

He also didn’t expect Zayn to come with his avoidance of all things Liam lately.

He most certainly didn’t expect to see Zayn and Liam entering his favorite pub since he was 18, holding hands and smiling at each other since they were the best thing since Larry.

Louis scowls.

Harry smacks him on the arm.

“Louis,” he warns.

“You’re fucking with me,” he bursts out as soon as Liam and Zayn are close enough, edging their way through the pub to his and Harry's table.

“Actually, we’re fucking each other,” Liam clarifies.

Harry spits out his entire drink and Louis’ brain short circuits.

“Dating, more like,” Zayn adds, grinning smugly at Louis who is still trying to reconcile what he's seeing - Zayn and Liam's fingers wrapped together, their shoulders brushing together and not a bit of space between them. Liam's eyes are bright and happy and Zayn can't stop looking over at Liam and giving these soft smiles.

Louis turns to Harry very, very slowly. They meet each other’s gaze like they always have and a smile creeps on both of their faces.

“I told you it would work!” Louis yells.

At his shout all their friends glance over to see what the fuss is about. When they see, the resounding laughter is enough to make everyone in the pub stare at them.

Like always.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Liam's book that Zayn finds is Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari.
> 
> Come say hi to us on Tumblr at nooelgallagher and yoursongonmyheart.
> 
> If you enjoyed, please consider sharing: http://nooelgallagher.tumblr.com/post/175451180182


End file.
